


The Intervention

by myloveishype



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, tegan and sara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:09:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myloveishype/pseuds/myloveishype
Summary: Sara Clement heading into adulthood, grasping at the idea of gender identity and sexuality all the while bearing the struggles of an aspiring college student. TW for body and gender dysmorphia. Tegan and Sara. Quincest. Stacy Reader. Lindsey Byrnes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I originally posted these on Fanfic.net, under the same title and username, so my other work can also be found there as well. The further chapters will delve further in Sara's gender identity as well as discuss sexuality and how it plays with the various relationships in this fic. Enjoy!

She stared deftly at the reflection in the mirror. Her hair falling over her face, shaggy and greasy from lack of caring and basic hygiene. The urge to cut it shorter and shorter, or even shaving it all off growing as her thoughts unraveled about the dysmorphia she was feeling. Her strong dark brows shadow her hazel eyes, and her sharp jawline emphasize the masculinity that so prominently defined her.

For years, she has faced the securitization from her peers, questioning why makeup rarely graced her face, or why the femininity of her body was never shown in the public eye, always masked by excessive fabric of baggy shirts or long flannels. Nicknames like "Lady Boy," or "Mister Sara," have stuck with her, now giving her a sense of pleasure rather than causing her cheeks to flush red from embarrassment.

As she finished her morning routine of grabbing whatever clean clothes she still had on the floor and shrugging them on, she rushed to the bathroom to grab her toothbrush and hastily finished the process. For her, running on only a few hours of sleep was nothing new, and the feeling of grogginess was to be expected.

Sara's mother, Sonia, was quick to notice the change in routine her daughter developed as the school year slowly dwindled down. At first she just chalked it up to nerves as picking college's and future life plans crept up on her daughter. Her suspicion begun to rise when charges on her credit card started appearing. It was not the amount of money being spent that shocked her, rather the actual purchases. Binders, and a few buys from men's clothing sites were some of the memorable transactions, yet she never questioned her daughter about them, hoping eventually she would confide in her about the situation.

Sonia, being a counselor at school, and a certified therapist, has had much experience with individuals struggling with personal identity, especially when sexuality and gender come into play, but honestly never thought her own daughter would be going through such struggles and not voicing it to her.

As Sara smoothed out the dark grey flannel and jean jacket combo she had on, she saw that she was running short on time, so she hastened her process and quickly laced up her red chucks, grabbed her worn book bag, and headed out her front door. She sent her mother a text,

'Good morning Mum, have a chemistry exam today- went in early to get some extra help. Wish me luck. Love ya!'

She shoved her phone into her pocket, and made her way to her high school. Her first class of the day- and least favorite- was strength and conditioning. The irony of her being put in the class was apparent, with her being on the petite side of things and all. Luckily she had friends with her in that class, and used it more like a socialization hour more than an actual workout class. She did have an advantage to having such an early gym class though, as very few girls signed up for this specific class, and even less wanted to show up to school at 7:30 in the morning to work out, so the changing room was all but hers. This helped her immensely when she first started binding, knowing that at least in the locker room there wouldn't be anyone there to question her.

After her strength class, she had a good chunk of time to change back into her clothes and go to her chemistry teacher for help. Her professor, Dr. Reader, understood that Sara was taking this class to fulfil the graduation requirement, but the student still held a sense of passion for learning even despite the difficult course material. The student and professor were quick to form a bond, as Dr. Reader ironically was the President of the book club at their school, as well as one of the board members on the LGBTQ+ Panel the school had.

Throughout the course of Sara's high school years, she questioned her sexuality. Her physical attraction to men was there, but never seemed to pique her interest quite like how girls did. She officially came out to her close friends and family at 16; surprisingly her mother's response was the one she was the most shocked with, while it wasn't an entirely negative experience, her mother seemed to dismiss the admission, leaving the teen confused with if her mother cared or supported her personal development. This led the teen to depend on said chemistry professor, not only for academic help but for personal affirmation that her feelings were valid.

As the student walked into the chemistry lab, Dr. Reader exclaimed, "Oh Sara! Morning, hope you're ready for this exam, with all the prep we've been doing, I have faith you will do well on it."

"Morning, I hope I do well too! I had rough time sleeping last night though, there were some questions I had on the review that we did, and for the life of me I couldn't figure them out. I tried texting Emy and Jack, but they weren't much help either, sadly."

"Well, let's see what I can do about that, huh? Show me which problems you were struggling with, and I'll try and do a quick crash course on it. I'm sure if you struggled with it, others will have had the same issues."


	2. Chapter 2

After school it was not uncommon for Sara to stay around and talk to Dr. Reader about plans they had for the week or weekend. Many of Sara's friends gave her grief about bonding so much with the teacher, but she honestly couldn't care less what they thought about their relationship. Dr. Reader was a very attractive teacher, she had a slim figure, nice sparking blue eyes, and a bright smile. Sara thought her friends were jealous that a teacher like her would be so intrigued and protective over someone like herself.

While chatting about their plans, Dr. Reader asked if Sara was starting to get prepped for college, or at least looking into places that intrerested her.

"College is a weird concept for me, I know I need to go, but nothing really calls to me. I'm thinking of going to Montreal though, just to get some space from everything back here."

"Well, college is a new life experience. Don't let your fear of not knowing be the barrier between you and school. There's people my age that still don't know what they want to do, nothing wrong with that, Sara. I have faith that whatever you choose to do, you will excel at. That being said, if you move halfway across the country you better stay in contact with me and let me know what you're up to," Dr. Reader winked at Sara, and put her hand atop the teenagers.

"I will Dr. Reader, I promise, you're one of the only people I'll miss from here," while speaking, Dr. Reader stroked Sara's hand with her thumb, distracting the teen from her train of thought, and looked down at the distraction. Sara cleared her throat, and felt her ears get hot with the sudden feeling of nervousness.

"Well, I'll let you get home, honey. If you so happen to be at the same coffee shop I'm meeting my book club at, don't be afraid to say hi to me."

And with that, Sara gave Dr. Reader a quick hug and headed home. She texted her group chat with Emy and Jack;

'Hey guys, what are u up to? I bought a gram from Dallas a few days ago. Mom won't be home until 6, hmu if u wanna smoke.'

Almost instantly both Jack and Emy replied, telling Sara they'd be there in a few. Sara went into her room, surprised by how destroyed it looked, noticing the clothes and journal pages littered throughout her floor. She hastily shoved everything into her closet, opened the window and dug around her cluttered dresser to find her bowl.

Whenever smoking with her friends, Sara always had a tendency to not filter any of her thoughts; letting the fact that she wanted to sleep with her teacher slip.

"Wait…you what?" Emy all but screamed at Sara.

"She's a beautiful woman, she's totally gay. She also hella hits on me, and isn't even shy about it anymore. I should just hit that shit. Not like I'm gonna date the woman Em, and I'm not gonna announce it to the school and get her fired, I'm not that much of a dickhead."

"Yeah Em, let her live! Just because your ass can't get any doesn't mean Sara has to be celibate with you."

"Fuck off Jack, I'm not celibate, me and Jenn just aren't clicking anymore. Also I'm not the virgin in the room, so shut your mouth. Anyways, how would you get her to sleep with you, Sare?"

"I don't know, man. She told me about this book club thing she's going to this weekend at the coffee shop in town. She was holding my hand and shit, I'm sure if I go there and just tell her I need to talk to her about some personal stuff and convince her we need to go to her house or some shit, she'll eat it up."

"Bold move Mr. Sara, have you talked to her at all about your gender issues? I don't want you to push yourself if you're not comfortable with your own body yet," Emy asked with genuine concern.

"Eh, yeah, I've told her about me binding. She's the one that told me not to use ace bandages, and to find a good sports bra or actual binder rather than using those. I also asked her about packing after the last meeting the panel had. She seemed a little lost there, but she pointed to a good website. Long story short, I'm comfortable with her Em, I promise. And who knows, maybe being with her will help with it all."

"Alright, well good luck with all that. Me and Jack are gonna get going, see you tomorrow, and tell your mom we said hi. Make sure to spray your room dude, it reeks in here. I could smell your shit down the hallway."

"Thanks, will do, see you guys tomorrow."

After Jack and Emy left, Sara decided to take one more hit from her bowl before cleaning up. As she was putting her clothes away, her curiosity got the best of her. Packing for her was a new concept, but was something she always was interested in doing. She grabbed a pair of small socks, and positioned it in her pants so that a bulge, while not too overbearing, was noticeable. She took a picture of herself in the mirror, and sent it to her friends.

'Scope it guys, now I'm really Mr. Sara ;)'

Emy was the first to reply,

'SARA. WTF. My mom saw me open the pic, what is wrong with you!? Sober up before your mom gets home.'

'Buzzkill,' was all Sara responded with to Emy.

She rode out her high lying on her bed, hoping her mom stayed at work late and would bring dinner home for them. She couldn't wait to finally make a move on her teacher, and was sure that they could both keep it low key to avoid any repercussions. She soon dozed off, still with her jean jacket and button up on, packing with her tight skinny jeans. Surely this was a sight for her mother to see when she got home, but she let the teen be, and left a note on her bedside table saying dinner was in the fridge. As Sonia headed to bed, she really hoped that Sara would start talking to her about her sudden transition, wanting to help her through the process as much as she could.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday morning rolled around, Sara just finding the note her mother left her on her bedside table. On cue, her stomach loudly rumbled. She stretched her body, stiff from laying on her back all night with her clothes on…and packing. Before heading out into the kitchen she grabbed the rolled-up socks from its positon in her pants and threw them on the floor with the rest of her cluttered clothes.

As she closed her door, a waft of bacon and strong coffee flooded her senses. This meant her mother was in a good mood, and she was glad for that, knowing that she obviously had seen Sara in her not so easy to explain attire the night before.

"Hi mom, what's all this for," the teen questioned, settling into the table to the left of the kitchen.

"Oh, good morning sweetie," she briefly looked up from the stove, startled by Sara's entrance, and gave her a smile, "I'm just making us some breakfast before I head into work. With the end of the semester coming up, I have to help some kids fill out applications and things."

Sara nodded along, but her attention was elsewhere, as she sent a text to her teacher.

'Good morning Dr. Reader, what time was your book club meeting, again? I was wondering if we can meetup after… I'm sort of going through a rough patch.'

After she sent the text, she responded to her mother, acknowledging to some extent that she was listening and told her to have fun at work, in a dry monotone voice.

Moments later she got a reply from her perky teacher,

'Good Morning Sara! The meeting is at 3 this afternoon, but come anytime you want and I'll gladly talk with you, sweetie :)'

A few minutes later the two sat silently eating their food, Sara scarfing it down while her mother watched with a mixture of amusement and concern.

"Well I'm glad you like my cooking. Did you not eat the food I left you last night?"

"Nah, I just woke up. I think that's a record for me, almost 13 hours of sleep. No wonder I woke up this hungry."

"You sure it wasn't also because you were smoking last night?" Her mother cockily raised her eyebrows after asking the question. The teen sunk into the chair she was sitting in. "All I ask is that you air out the house a little after you get done, and light a candle or something. I don't need my clothes smelling like it."

"Sorry mum," Sara murmured, avoiding eye contact. With that comment from her mother, she hastily finished her breakfast and coffee and excused herself from the table. Sonia left a little bit after and left the teen the house all to herself yet again.

It had been a while since Sara had properly bathed, struggling to recall the last time she washed her hair. It had been even longer since she cleaned her room or done her laundry. That was her goal before leaving to meet and "chat" with her teacher.

By 2 that afternoon, her room was picked up and her clothes were all cleaned and put away in their correct drawers. She laid out a pair of grey slacks, a large blue button up, and her old ratty converse. She headed into the shower, and sighed as she felt the hot water and steam make contact with her skin. Despite her ever changing feelings about her femininity, she still could not stand unkempt leg hair or underarm hair and made it a habit to shave whenever she realized she had to take a shower. After getting out she put on men's deodorant, brushed her teeth, and blow-dried her hair straight, letting it swoop over her left eye.

Before leaving the house, she stood in front of the mirror in her room and took a picture of herself, sending it to her friends saying,

'Looking as dapper as ever, wish me luck with this rendezvous.'

Jack replied,

'Aw cute lil Sasa! Lady killer over here, good luck!'

With that she headed to the town square where the coffee shop was, making sure she took her time and let the teacher have a chance to talk to her book club.

She reached the quaint, rustic building half past 3. She instantly spotted the dirty blonde teacher sitting in the front portion of the café with her club. When she made eye contact she gave a quick wave and headed to the barista to place her order; Americano, black. When her order was called she headed to the front and noticed that the teacher was already standing near the door, ready for the teen and her to leave and talk somewhere away from the older woman's friends.

Sara took in what her teacher was wearing, a dark green denim jacket, a loose fitting white undershirt, and high-waisted jeans. She looked cute, making Sara smile as she neared the older woman.

"Hi, thank you for meeting with me, this means a lot to me Dr. Reader."

"Oh, it's not a problem honey. Also please call me Stacy outside of school, Dr. Reader weirds me out in public."

Sara chuckled but noticed the subtle implication her teacher made, hoping that meeting outside of school did become more frequent.

The two left the coffee shop, which was conveniently right across the street from the park in the center of the square. They walked towards the center, noticing how calm the area seemed to be despite the inviting sunny warm weather.

The two settled into a bench with the sun hitting their backs, and their two bodies facing one another, with one of Sara's legs on the bench and the other on the ground, Stacy mimicked this position putting her right hand on the back of the bench near Sara's head. "So what's going on Sara? Yesterday you seemed fine, is there stuff going on at home that you want to talk about?"

"Oh...in a way I guess, my mom is super supportive of me with school and everything. I haven't talked to her much about my sexuality or gender issues, but that's just because I don't want to disappoint her again." Sara seemed to hesitate, wondering if she should let her teacher know her internal conflict with her mother's reaction, and thought she might as well get to let this woman know her before trying to make some kind of move on her.

"When I first came out she wasn't angry or anything like that, but I got the sense that she felt like she did something wrong, that's why I turned out liking girls. She's never directly said it, but the first couple of months after I came out she dismissed it, or maybe she just let it slip, but would ask if I had any crushes on any boys, or if I was hiding a boyfriend. Maybe she was joking, or maybe she was hoping I would tell her my admission was just a mistake. I'm not sure, and I don't really know if I have enough strength for her to tell me that I disappointed her."

As Sara told this to Stacy, her eyes wandered down and focused on her own hands in her lap. Stacy could tell from Sara's visible change in body language that she felt vulnerable, and took the chance to sweep Sara's fringe covering her eye behind her ear. The teen smirked, not able to give a full smile at the gesture, and cleared her throat.

"Would you mind if we took this to one of our houses, I'm not sure you want to be in public with me if I start crying. It'll look questionable on both ends."

"Oh…Sara, I don't know if.."

"It's okay, I understand, I just really feel comfortable with you Stacy, I'm sorry if that was out of line." Sara said pulling a defeated face, acting like Stacy's hesitation gutted her, when in actuality she was trying to play the professor. Her façade worked, and made Stacy interject

"No, no Sara. We can go to my house, it's close by. We just have to be careful, okay? I want you to feel comfortable with me more than anything, but if students or other teachers see us going into my house that'll raise some questions."

"Thank you Stacy, I promise I won't tell anyone," the teen mimicked zipping her mouth shut and throwing away a key. The professor giggled and tentatively grabbed the students hand, bringing both of them to their feet, she briefly brought her into only what could be described as a bear hug, let go of the student, and told her to keep up, as they briskly walked to the older woman's apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

The two hurriedly rushed to the professor's apartment, making small talk along the way to keep the awkward silences to a minimum. As Stacy shimmied with the entrance of the apartment complex, Sara took in how fitting the space was for her teacher; it was clean, charming, and cozy.

Making their way up to Stacy's apartment, Sara felt like her professor was rushing her to her room, walking at such a brisk pace the student was nearly jogging and almost stumbling up the stairs just to keep up. "Please don't tell me you secretly have some weird sex dungeon in here," Sara jokingly said towards her already visibly tense professor, as they reached her apartment door. Stacy fumbled with unlocking it. Clearly, the joke didn't help the situation.

"Oh goodness, Sara, please," the teacher's nerves showed as she dropped the key onto the floor and her ears turned a shade of red the student have never known was possible.

"Here, let me do it, I'm sorry for saying that." Sara quickly reached for the key and easily unlocked and opened the entrance to the apartment. "Err, here you go," she said handing back the keys to the professor, "If you're not comfortable with this, I can go. I understand why this would make you nervous Dr. Reader."

"No, no Sara, the stressful part is over. I just have the world's nosiest neighbors, who happen to be parents on the PTO committee." The teacher paused, and relaxed her shoulders, realizing how wound up she was getting. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm so nervous about this, I just want to help you, but something about that little personality of yours is throwing me for a loop. Sometimes I forget students can actually have a sense of humor," the two walked into the quaint studio apartment.

The bed was against the back wall directly in front of the door, fully illuminated by an open window behind it. The sofa was in the center of the room facing the tv, against the furthest wall to the right. The old wooden floor creaked, but it's rustic charm only added to the atmosphere. All throughout the room were sketches of dresses and outfits, and most notable were the headshots of the teacher, sometimes solo, other times surrounded by other models.

"Oh wow Stacy, you never told me you modeled. Please tell me you didn't stop just to teach in this crusty ass town…sorry," Sara's cheeks flushed as the teacher gave her a look "I'm sorry, I should watch my mouth."

Stacy was surprised that she's never talked about it before. "Never mind your mouth, I've heard you swear plenty throughout the year," she smirked. She went on to explain the photo, "one of my best friends, Rachel Antoff, she's a fashion designer. She has her own line of clothing, I was like a business partner to her when she first started and every now and then she would ask me to sketch something up or stand in for parts of her collection. I still do it, but it's more of volunteer type thing at this point, if and when I have the time to visit her."

"That's rad, you could totally model as a full-time thing though. This whole teaching gig can be a thing of the past if you really tried." The two moved further into the apartment, moving closer to the wall of photos. "Honestly, you're stunning in these pictures." Sara hesitated, scared that her comment could be misinterpreted. "I mean you look good every day! But these seriously are something to look at." Sara noted and raised her eyebrow at the professor, as she looked at a particularly risqué photo.

"If I didn't know any better Ms. Clement, I would think you were flirting with me," the older woman quipped back. "Go sit on the couch, I'll make us some tea and we can finish what we were talking about at the park, okay?"

The teen settled into the couch, which was overflowing with abstractly themed throw pillows, and mindlessly flipped through the channels on the tv. She was using it as an aid to distract herself from her thoughts, so she wouldn't cop out with seeing how far she could get with Stacy. Did she feel bad for using her professor just so she could feel better about her own insecurities? Sure, but it's not like she only likes the teacher for her body, it just so happens that being physical with the professor is also a way for Sara to 'vent'.

While Stacy was busy brewing them tea, Sara settled on watching 'Grey's Anatomy,' knowing it can be used as a way to spark a conversation with the teacher. It also just so happens to be the teens favorite show, it even shed some light on issues that related to her own life as it discussed body and gender dysmorphia throughout its many seasons. Sara leaned back into the couch, with her arm sprawled across the back of the couch, more or less making herself feel at home.

Stacy walked over with a tea cup in both hands, and gingerly set them down on the coffee table, smart enough to save her tongue from the scorching heat of the fresh brew. "What'd you put on? Grey's Anatomy? I love this show! I've been watching it since it first came out, George and Cristina will forever be my favorite characters from any tv show," the teacher gushed.

"Why's that?" Sara asked, turning her body to face Stacy. "Well, George is the person I think everyone wants to be, ya know? Selfless, sweet, caring, and just a little awkward. Sure, his timid nature may have gotten in the way of his success, but he always had the right intentions." The teacher took a deep breath, and continued on with her answer, "On the other hand, I think Cristina was the exact opposite of him; she was bold, knew exactly what she wanted and capitalized on it no matter who it hurt. But her growth was always constant, and in a way, she humbled out with the pressure that was put on her. I'm not saying I want to become as stubborn as her, but her confidence and intelligence is definitely alluring."

"Clearly, you've thought that out, huh?" the teen and the professor both laughed, realizing how quick Stacy was to jump on that on that question. "But, I couldn't agree more. I think you're a good mix between those two though. You have spirit, you obliviously care about your job and your students, and to call yourself unintelligent would be the furthest thing from the truth. So," the teen paused, making sure to make eye contact with the older woman, "I would say you're pretty alluring."

Stacy's smile, despite her trying to repress it, only made the student giggle at how much of a schoolgirl the professor looked like right now, oh the irony. Stacy patted Sara's arm that was resting on the back of the couch, and leaned forward to finally take a sip of tea.

"Dr. Reader, I really just want to say thank you for helping me with my messed-up life this year." The teen shifted closer to the front end of the couch, leaning on her knees, staring intensely at the tea in front of them, still hesitant to take a sip. "And I want to make it clear, I love my mom. With all my heart. But sometimes with her being a counselor, I get worried that she can't make the distinction between being a mother, and doing her job." The teen grabbed for the tea finally, wanting to see if Stacy had any comments.

"Oh," Stacy seemed taken aback by the sudden gratitude the teen was expressing, "you don't have to thank me. That's sorta what I'm here for." Stacy set her cup down, and angled her body to face the student on the couch, now completely neglecting the tv on in the background, and lessening the distance between the two. "Regarding your mother though," she cleared her throat, "I do not know much about her, or your relationship, so I have no place to put any judgement on either of you. My only purpose right now is to reaffirm you, and let you know that even if you feel you don't have her upmost support, you have mine." Stacy gave Sara a genuine smile, with a hint of blush to her cheeks, telling Sara that maybe Stacy is interested in her that way too?

Sara put the tea cup back down on the table, and moved closer to the teacher, as well. "You make me happy," the teen blurted out, not quite knowing why she felt so comfortable admitting such feelings to the woman. The student chuckled a little, noticing how vague the comment was, "I mean, being able to spend time with you, and sit and talk, it all just makes me happy. So, in short, you make me happy."

"Well, you make me happy too, Sara. I enjoy your company," Stacy said while brushing her hair behind her ear. Her nerves were showing again, as she avoided eye contact, evident by her sudden intense interest of the ring she was wearing on her right hand, making it noticeable to Sara.

"It's beautiful." Sara said, slowly taking Stacy's hand to inspect the ring closer. Doing so, she slowly ran her thumb across the woman's hand, "Was it a gift?" Their hands stayed in that position while Stacy explained. "Yes actually," the tops of her ears growing red, as the teen slipped her fingers in between her own, and continued to hold her hand. "My mother gave it to me when I was around your age, maybe even a little younger. It's a moonstone." The ring was atop a gold band, slim enough to not seem flashy, but sturdy enough to hold the birthstone. The stone itself, as Sara remembered, was a designation of hope, a sign of sensitivity and comfort. She thought this to be utterly true to the character Stacy displayed, always feeling like she could be her true self around the older woman. "But it's a long story," Stacy sighed, "maybe another time we can discuss it." Sara noticed that there was a sadness to Stacy's eyes, but didn't want to press the matter further, knowing that prodding isn't always the best solution.

Her ulterior motives slowly began changing in her mind, realizing that taking advantage of the kindness this woman offered would do neither any good. At the same time, her physical and emotional attraction was also getting harder to neglect. Something about Stacy just kept drawing Sara deeper and deeper into whatever this relationship was becoming.

"Would it be inappropriate of me to ask to hug you, Sara?" Stacy startled the teen with the question, only furthering the teens confusion for her sudden realization how sweet and genuinely kind Stacy was. "I…I think I would like that, actually." With her approval, albeit a timid one at best, the two leaned into each other, letting the older woman pull the teen into herself. It started off awkward, as the teen moved around to fit more comfortably in her professor's lap, but they both began to relax as Stacy slowly rubbed Sara's back, soothing both their nerves. Sara had never felt this level of intimacy, even when she was with her past lovers.

She let her head rest on Stacy's shoulder, with her nose pressed against the professor's pulse point. She noticed that with each breath that passed her nose and hit the exposed skin, Stacy's heart rate would quicken, and as the teen settled her lips against it, an audible gasp escaped the professors mouth. It could not be entirely be described as a kiss, as Sara simply just left her lips touch the skin, but it was just enough contact for Stacy to understand what Sara was intending to do.

Sara parted her mouth, to ask a question, but stuttered, causing a short breath of warm air to caress Stacy's neck. With that, a sharp intake of breath furthered Sara's proof that the woman was enjoying the contact. Sara finally asked, "Can I kiss you?" Stacy, afraid to hear how needy her voice might possibly sound, nodded her head and pressed the teen's back further into her body to lessen any sort of distance between them. Sara ran her nose along the woman's jawline, teasing her, and noticed how the red blush adorned her professor's chest and ears. She placed small pecks on the professor's pulse, and worked her way up to her jawline, using her hand to hold the woman's face still, wanting to see what spots really drove her wild. From her jawline, she worked up to behind the older woman's ear, and nibbled on the soft skin along her neck, aromatic from the perfume she must have put on before going out. The suddenly sweet taste caused the teen to softly moan. Stacy clutched the young brunette, turning her head even further to the side to allow more contact, and began to rock them, using her hips to push the two back and forth. Sara's confidence and desire grew, as she finally took the woman's ear into her mouth, and began to kiss and bite, working her way up and around. Her tongue darted out, and traced the curvature of the top of her ear, and worked her way back down, making sure to slow her breaths and let it cool the reddened and slightly abused skin.

"Jesus Christ," Stacy sighed under her breath, "please kiss me." Sara did so with no hesitation this time, and grabbed the woman's face with both hands and guided them into the kiss. The kiss was quick and soft, but both went back in for another, causing Sara to smile so wildly that it became impossible for Stacy to continue without making direct contact with the teens teeth. Sara began to giggle, and it spread to her professor. "This is fucking crazy," Sara stated, the smile still evident in her voice. "We should stop," it was not believable though, as she continued to peck at the teacher's lips. "We really should," Stacy said, taking the teens lip roughly between her teeth and pulling on it, making it pop back into place. She rolled them back, positioning herself to hover over the teen, who had her legs wrapped around her midsection. The coat the professor was once wearing was hastily removed by the teen and thrown somewhere in the small apartment. She slid her hands under her shirt, and teased with her bra as Stacy sucked on her pulse point. The teen bit her lip to silence the moan that was begging to come out, and couldn't resist raking her nails down her professors back. Stacy stopped and hissed at the sudden sensation, rolling her hips into the teen, causing both of them to gasp. "Fuck, please don't stop," Sara begged.

A knock on the door made them both jump, and immediately Stacy shot off the couch, and Sara sat up and straightened the pillows that now littered the floor. "I'm comin- I mean I'll be right there!" the older woman yelled towards the door, "Just act like you're watching tv or something," she whispered toward Sara. "Oh my god..." the teen had her head in her hands, not quite sure what they were going to do now.

"Lindsey! What the fuck are you doing here?!" Stacy screamed as she looked through the peephole, rushing to unbolt and unlock the door. The two women giddily embraced, "I missed you so much, you idiot!" Stacy littered the strange blonde woman's cheeks with kisses, and left Sara hot, bothered, and ultimately concerned that she just helped her teacher cheat on her significant other.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh my god, it's been so long!" The two women were still wrapped around one another, giving time for Sara to fix her disheveled appearance, unnoticed. She quickly tousled her hair and straightened her pants and shirt, looking around the room to make sure there was no other indicators to give away their unethical deeds. She relaxed slightly when assessing the damage; the few pillows that were knocked off were hastily put back on the couch before the other woman came in, and everything but Stacy's coat was in the same place it had been before.

She also noted how red Stacy's chest was, and how her once perfect updo could only be described as a poor attempt at a messy bun. She prayed that the unexpected guest wasn't aware of such details too.

"What are you back in town for? I thought you were off on tour with one of your clients or something?" Stacy asked, dragging Lindsey to where Sara was sitting. It was as if the stranger hadn't noticed Sara was there up until that point.

"Oh my goodness, you had someone over! How rude of me. My name's Lindsey," she reached for the teens hand and enthusiastically shook it. "I'm one of Stacy's best-est of friends! We've known each other for like what? 6 years now." Lindsey's voice was boisterous and lively, the woman absolutely radiated energy.

The teen felt all her anxiety leave her body once realizing that being mauled by Stacy's hypothetical partner was not an issue that would concern her today. "My name is Sara. I'm actually a student of hers," the teen said brushing the hair out of her face and sinking into her spot on the couch, still nervous and a bit shook up by being intruded on by such a lively figure like that of Lindsey.

"Sara's one of the best students I have, students like her are the reason why I teach. But this one in particular," gesturing towards Sara, "is special. I can see her doing great things in this world. We met through Pride Club when she was a sophomore, and now we also run a book club through the school. Clearly, she's a girl after my own heart." Stacy was quick to jump in on the conversation, seeing the nervousness in Sara's posture.

"Awh, that's too cute!" Lindsey gushed, "That's amazing, I wish I could've had someone like Stacy help me figure out all that kind of stuff when I was your age. Am I interrupting something though? I can run out and get coffee if you two need to finish whatever this is." She said, looking between the student and teacher.

Sara felt her face flush with embarrassment, scared that Lindsey had caught them red handed. "No, it's alright. Why don't you sit down and talk with us? We were just discussing life plans, like college and all that. You'd probably be more suitable to talk to her about it than I am, no offense. Tea, anyone?" With that Stacy left towards the kitchen, and fixed up her hair and her slightly disheveled shirt to cover her still flush chest.

"Could I actually get a coffee? Thanks love," Lindsey cheekily smiled in Stacy's direction. "So, tell me Sara, what is it that is scaring you about college?"

"Um, I don't know if 'scared' would be the right word, but I definitely feel lost." Lindsey nodded her head, understanding exactly what the teen felt. "I really enjoy learning, honestly and truly. And the idea of becoming independent, living on my own, and building myself up outside of my mom's set image sounds amazing to me. But I don't know what my calling is, that's the part that is completely tripping me up."

"Oh, I've been there kiddo. I'm not sure if you heard Stacy and me talking back there, but I'm a professional photographer. I do a lot of work with all sorts of bands, but I initially went to school for journalism and publishing. Well," she corrected herself, crossing her legs and rubbing her chin, trying to think back to when she first started college, "when I first went to school I wanted to teach art to elementary kids, but then I realized that that job was basically just glorified babysitting, so I nixed that pretty quick." The blonde's bubbly laughter was contagious and helped Sara become more at ease with the woman.

"Don't let her downplay it by the way, she's an amazing artist and writer. A jack of all trades, really." Stacy came back with a tray filled with hot coffee and teas, which was added to the already crowded coffee table. "Before she had her photos published, she used to write about relationships and health advice in some lifestyle magazine. It took her years to even figure out journalism was her thing. And then through that, she somehow started going to concerts to review them, and after a while she just ditched the whole 'healthy living' thing altogether, and bam! Here she is now."

Lindsey laughed at Stacy's rendition of her life story, "Mm, not quite how all that worked, but for the sake of time and your interest, I'll go with it." The teen casually sipped on the tea set in front of them, noticing how comfortable she already felt with Lindsey not even five minutes into getting to know her.

"Needless to say, even after years of trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, my profession inevitably picked me. Which I know is very rare, and I'm lucky to be able to be doing this, but sometimes it takes going through the motions of one thing to realize what fits your wants and needs in life. You said you don't really know what you're calling is yet, which is totally normal by the way. I think I heard that college student's change their major three times throughout their time in university, so don't feel like you're the only one who doesn't know what to do, cause not gonna lie, that's just about everyone living life. Hell, I didn't even know I was gonna end up here last night, imagine how Stacy must feel right now?"

Sara and Stacy both laughed, recalling how dramatic her entrance was, but also making the teen remember the dubious position the two women were in mere moments before her arrival. She made a mental note to apologize to Stacy and make sure that the knowledge of their acts would not leave this apartment, well aside from Sara's obvious need to tell Emy and Jack.

"By the way, you never answered my first question when you first got here," Stacy playfully hit Lindsey, the blonde feigning pain in response. "And what was that?"

"Well first of, why are you here? And secondly, how goes the tour life with…what band was it again? All I remember you telling me was how adorable you thought the guitar player was." Stacy teased her friend, patting her on the knee when she realized she was exposing her in front of Sara.

"Glad that all you took out of my conversations with you, was the part that didn't matter." She sharply remarked, patting Stacy's hand on top of her knee and removing it. "We're actually in town for a couple of days doing a few shows. One of the members has some friend out here, so they wanted to take a weekend to reconnect and get paid while doing it. I thought I would get some great shots of them out here, be able to see the genuine happiness that touring can bring people."

"Well I'm glad, you know I always look forward to seeing you. Would I have heard any of their music on the radio?"

"Mm, debatable."

"Why so?" Stacy questioned.

"Well for starters, the band is called 'Murder, murder, death, blood, and gore' and they do heavy metal covers of pop songs from the 80's. So…highly unlikely." Stacy and Sara looked at her mortified, not sure if she was joking, or if she was actually going crazy.

"Ahhhh, I'm just joking, you should've seen your faces though. They're called 'the Hunt.' I would say they're indie, but not that pretentious indie stuff, you know what I'm saying? Like it's not just noise they try conveying as art, its actual music that has depth behind it. Mm, what else? Oh, they're from Calgary, so you two can root for them as native Canadians." Stacy mockingly fist bumped in the air, making the two other girls giggle at how goofy the teacher was outside the confines of her workplace.

"To comment on what you brought up Stace, I would say they're all a cute bunch of kids. The guitar player has caught my eye though, but only because she gives the rest of the guys a run for their money. If she wanted to, she could do her own side project and probably profit off it. I've sent you some recordings of the sound checks I've been at where this girl just jams, right?"

"Yeah, now that you bring it up, I was pretty impressed with her. I didn't realize she was with the group you were touring with. She can't be that old, she looked younger than Sara, no offense sweetie." Sara nodded, implying no offense was taken, but was a little shocked how casually her teacher was to use cute names for her in front of her friend.

"No, she's not. The entire band is in their 20's, or will be turning 20 this year. They're super young. Two of them go to McGill University in Montreal, obviously for things related to music production and all that. And the rest tour year-round locally."

"Ohh, Sara, weren't you telling me how you were thinking about going to Montreal for university? If you did, at least you would know Lindsey out there as long as she stays with them." Sara nodded her head, surprised that the teacher even recalled her remark about wanting to leave for such a foreign place like Montreal, which would very much isolate her from her life back here. The idea of at least knowing of somebody in Montreal did make her feel a little more welcome to the idea of going to school out there.

"That brings me to another question, why are you working for such a small band? Just from what I'm gathering, it doesn't sound like they're raking in cash, so not to sound nosy or impolite, but what are you doing it for if there's no money?"

"Be as nosy as you want girl, I'm an open book, you know that." She directed her gaze at Sara, letting her know that she was just as much a part of this conversation as Stacy was. "I basically just wanted to experience going out on the road again with… what's the term? Fresh blood? I've gotten so used to big productions for bands that I genuinely missed seeing bands feel for the audiences. Not to dig on anyone I've been touring with this last year, but humility goes a long way nowadays. Annnnd with that comment, I sound like an old geezer." The group laughed, and gave Sara a chance to check her phone to see what time it was, she was shocked at how little time had actually passed, it was only 5. This would give her ample time to talk Jack and Emy's ears off once she got home.

"We have a show tonight, at 10. I think the place is called 'The Jack'. Would you guys be interested?"

"We were just there earlier today to get coffee, we love that place and it's super close to here. I would love to go, how about you, hun?" Stacy and Lindsey both shifted their gaze to Sara's frame.

"Oh yeah definitely. I can probably convince a few of my friends to show up too, get the band more exposure and all that." Sara responded, nodding her head in excitement.

"I love the way this girl thinks," Lindsey said reaching across and putting her hand up in the air for a high five Sara was not at all prepared for. Sara's nervous nature overrode the confidence she showed earlier with Stacy, and made her completely miss Lindsey's hand and all but smack the blonde's forearm instead.

"Oh gosh, I think that's a sign for me to stop talking and probably head out." Sara said as she stood up from her spot and straightened out her clothes.

Lindsey hummed in response, and Stacy told the teen she would text her the details about the outing as a reminder. "Let me walk you out of the building, it can be a bit disorientating if you're not paying attention going down the stairs." Lindsey perked up at the comment, more than well aware of how easy it was to navigate Stacy's building. She made a mental note to ever so casually ask Stacy what it was she walked in on.

"It was nice meeting you Lindsey, me and my friends will all be there tonight to support you. It sounds like a great time." Lindsey quickly stood up from her spot on the couch as the teen kept backing up further away to reach the door as she spoke, but briskly ran to her to bring the teen into a quick hug.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you there, don't be late missy, we'll both be expecting you," she pinched the teens cheeks, knowing it would get a rise out of both the women and laughed at how coy the teen looked. "Now get going, go and doll yourself up so I can take some awesome shots of you and your friends tonight.

She waved goodbye and felt Stacy's hand on her lower back, guiding her out of the apartment and into the vacant hallway. Stacy kept her hand in that position until they reached the stairwell, making sure the door shut behind them. "Hey Sare, let's sit for a moment, then I'll let you be on your way." They sat close by each other, letting their legs touch. "Can we talk really quick about what happened earlier?" Stacy said, brushing some of the hair away from Sara's eye.

The teen felt the blood drain from her face, not sure how Stacy was going to react to what happened and how casually they played it off with Lindsey in the room.

"Of course," she spoke with very little confidence, and was too scared to make direct eye contact with the older woman, and instead chose to focus the ring the other woman wore.

"Clearly, I think we both enjoyed what was happening," the teen nodded in agreement and gave a slight smirk indicating her bashfulness. "And truthfully, I'm still a little…not angry that Lindsey showed up, but bummed that it ended so abruptly. I just wanted to tell you that I know what we're doing isn't the safest thing in the world, nor is it the smartest. So, I respect your decision if you want to act like this never happened. But, if given a second chance, I would also love to see where this goes. But absolutely no press- "

"I would love to go on a date with you. Maybe not while Lindsey is still in town, but I would very much enjoy doing that again." She gave her a cheeky grin and felt Stacy's hand playfully squeeze her thigh.

"Well good, I knew you couldn't resist these model-like looks," the professor said mockingly throwing her hair behind her shoulder. Sara huffed in amusement, and grabbed the woman's face bringing her in for a quick peck.

"You're cute," she said, letting go of her professors face and standing up. "I'll see you tonight, I promise we'll all have a good time." With that she left the professor and gave her a cheesy wink walking down the stairs, giving rise to a chuckle from the older woman that lit Sara's heart up.


	6. Chapter 6

She sneakily opened the front door of her house, knowing her mother was going to question where she was, and what she was up to. Her line of thinking was if her mom didn’t spot her, she could avoid any interaction altogether and just enjoy the rest of the night with no hovering mom interrogating her. 

Luck wasn’t on her side though, as her mom sat idly at the kitchen table, seemingly waiting for the teens return. 

“Would you like to tell me where you were and why you didn’t answer any of my calls or texts? And don’t bullshit with me Sara, I’m tired of not knowing where you are and who you are with.”

Sara approached her mother, and pulled up a seat, thinking of a way to make the sides flip and make her mother realize why she was so distant lately without having to put all her feelings on the line. “I’m sorry mom. I was with one of my teachers, we were actually talking about college plans and what would be best for me. I know you’ve busy with your own work. I didn’t want to add to it and stress you out.”

“Oh,” her mom looked surprised and a little defeated that she herself wasn’t helping her own child with the process. “Why have you never asked me? You know I would have loved to talk to you about all that.

“Like I said, you were busy, like this morning. It’s not biggie mom, I haven’t sent any applications yet.”

“Well why don’t we do that together? How about tomorrow, we’ll narrow down where to send everything to, and get it all figured out, huh?” The light in Sara’s mom’s eye grew, loving that her child was finally taking the idea of college seriously, without her having to shove it down her throat.

“Sounds like a plan. But tonight, I was gonna go out and see a concert with a few of my friends, is that okay? I promise I’ll text you what I’m up to this time. I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Yeah, sorry for being so blunt when you came in. I just scared when I don’t know where you’re at and you don’t respond. Will Emy and Jack be with?”

“Yeah,” Sara got up from her spot at the table and walked down the hallway towards her room, “And no smoking this time, we all got invited to see a new band preform at the coffee shop in town, supposedly they’re pretty good.”

“Alright, have fun hun, please don’t stay out too late.”

Sara closed the door to her room, falling deftly on her bed and sighing with relief. She called Emy, and briefly filled her in on the plans she had made for the group, all while trying to shush the girl on the other line when she hinted at the fact that she had made some moves on their professor. Within minutes Jack and Emy were at her doorstep, clad in their typical sweatshirt and jeans. 

Sara tsked the sight, and dragged them into her room as they both gave hurried greetings to Sonia. “I was told we should look our best tonight. One of Stacy’s friends is a photographer, who’s touring with the band. I want both of you to look as sharp as me, for once.” Emy feigned offence and playful pushed Sara.

“Go through my closet, and pick out an outfit. All of my clothes are like three times too big for me, so it should fit both of your tall asses, easily.”

“Alright, alright,” both succumbed to Sara’s pushy demands. “But don’t think you can distract us with this clothing overhaul, spill the beans on what went down with Stacy.”

“Ugh, it was sort of a mess,” she lazily flopped down on her bed, laying on the accumulating pile of clothes her two friends were creating. “I met her at the coffee shop, we talked a little, and I sort of guilt tripped her into bringing me back to her house.”

“How in the hell did you do that? Blatantly state, ‘hey Dr. Reader, I totes got the hots for you, wanna smash?’ And she said yes??” Jack asked, still shocked Sara tried anything physical with their professor.

“I wish. Well...not so much anymore. But let me explain, we were talking about college and coming out and all these deep feelings, and I genuinely started getting a little emotional. So, I wanted to get out of the public eye, and asked to go back to her house. At that point I was still like ‘hell yea, get that shit.’ But once we sat down and just started talking I felt shitty for taking advantage of her being so sweet.”

“But wait, didn’t you say you ‘made the moves’ on her?” Emy chirped in, only wanting the juicy gossip. 

“Let me speak!” Jack and Emy both gave Sara a look of shock, and mocked her aggressive voice when they realized how irritated their friend was becoming.

“We made out. We groped each other. We probably would’ve fucked. But her friend knocked on the door, so it put a halt to everything. That’s how I got invited to this concert though, so her and her friend are gonna be there.”

“What did she say when you left, was she uncomfortable? Wait! Does that mean you automatically are gonna pass Chemistry? That’s some bullshit if you do, you know me and Jack suck bad at that class.”

“Nah, she was still flirting with me and everything. She even wants to go on a date, which I guess this can technically be seen as one if we sit by each other. But I know we need to be careful, at least while the school year is still going on. So, to answer your question Em, no I’m not going to be given an A just because I made out with her.”

Emy finished buttoning up one of Sara’s large grey flannels, and quickly jumped on the bed to sit next to her friend. “So, tell me, was she a good kisser?” And making over exaggerated kissing noises. Sara covered her face with her hands and fell backward onto the bed. Emy always knew exactly what to say to make her feel embarrassed. “The worst, awful. Like a dead body. No! Of course she was good,” Jack made eye contact with her, and gave her an obvious disappointed shake of his head in disapproval. “Hey, what’s wrong Jack?”

“I know it isn’t my place to tell you what you should be doing, but I’m not really okay with all of this. The more I think about it, the creepier it gets.” He said, while crumping up his own hoodie and throwing it on the floor. 

“I’m all for you going after someone, and you know, figuring out your sexuality and all that. But to do it with someone that much older, and our own teacher on top of it all, is unethical and almost manipulative. And I’m not saying you’re the doing the manipulating, before you get angry with me.”

“Woah. Well, let me hear it then, I don’t want you to think she’s taking advantage of me, but if you have sincere concern with it, let me know why.” Sara said, with her brow furrowed, wanting to hear why Jack seemed so upset with this new relationship. 

“For her, as a teacher, she should know where to draw the boundary. There’s so many rules and laws about this already. And I get it, we’re technically adults, but it weirds me out that she picked you, of all people, knowing how much shit you’ve gone through this past year, and suddenly starts making advances on you right before we graduate. And on top of it, she’s easily into her mid-thirties, why can’t she date any of the other single teachers in our school, or better yet go out and meet someone else? Instead of praying on an 18-year-old girl, who’s confused with where her life is going.”

“Okay there buddy,” Emy said, getting off the bed and patting his back. “I think he’s just a little overprotective of you, Sar. How about we all just go out tonight, not think about all this drama, and enjoy it.”

“I see where you’re coming from, Jack,” Sara said, disregarding Emy and looking past her to make eye contact with him. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but I think I can handle this. From now on, I won’t be so open with our relationship, and I’ll keep your comments in mind.”

It was apparent his comment had gotten underneath Sara’s skin, but she did realize he was thinking with a rational mindset, rather than her romanticized idea of what the relationship could lead to. She didn’t appreciate his subtle dig at her though, acting as if her uncertainty with her sexuality and college plans automatically made her ‘helpless’ in his eyes. 

“Let’s get going, I just got a text from Stacy saying the band just got done with their sound check.”

The friends awkwardly headed to the gig, as Emy tried to ignite a conversation about any and everything, but felt like she was pulling teeth with the other two silently cursing each other out in their heads. 

Walking into the shop, Emy audibly sighed with relief when she saw a few of their other high school friends had showed up as well, and quickly fled to their table to get away from Jack and Sara’s tense vibes. Jack was the first to notice the professor, and the blonde accompanying her. The professor seemed giddy, or maybe a little tipsy, and gleefully approached Sara and him, dragging Lindsey along with her. 

“I’m so excited you came, and you brought so many friends!” Lindsey was all but yelling over the other loud commotion in the shop. “You gotta let me take a picture of you two beautiful humans,” she said, pushing Jack and Sara close together and quickly grabbed the camera hanging from her neck to take a shot. 

The two stood stiffly by one another, smiles barely gracing their faces as Lindsey’s flash drew the attention of everyone else in the room. 

“Stoic. I like it. You two also have a very similar sense of fashion, I like it, it’s cute,” she said pinching Jack’s cheeks. “I’m Lindsey, by the way. Me and Sara met earlier. Sorry if I scared the shit out of you by taking a picture right away.” She said, gripping Jack’s hand.

“No, that’s okay, Sara told me all about you. I’m Jack, Sara’s friend. It’s nice to meet you, and nice seeing you here,” he directed his last statement towards their professor. 

“Awh, you too Jack. Tonight will be fun, Lindsey won’t stop gushing about the band, so I’m sure the show will be amazing.”

After listening to Jack’s lecture, and replaying it in her head the entire walk over, Sara couldn’t quite meet her professor’s eye. The silence was deafening when Sara didn’t speak up in the conversation, making Lindsey clear her throat and say her and Stacy would be sitting up front. With that, they gave a subtle nod and headed their own ways. 

Jack and Sara headed over to where Emy and the rest of their high school friends were being their usual loud, overenergetic selves. “Jesus, do you guys need some Adderall? Calm the fuck down.” Sara said with a deadpan face, sitting in her seat and sulking as she felt uncomfortable, having too many pushed into her personal space too quickly. 

She felt her binder squeezing every inch of her chest, restricting her breathing. She felt like she could hear every single person in the room breathing, and making as much noise as they possibly could. The room felt too bright, too hot, too small. She couldn’t take it. She shut her eyes as tightly as she could, and scrunched herself into as small of a position as she could against her chair. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong, do you need some air?” Jack dropped the broody attitude he had with her once he realized what was happening. “Come on, let’s go out back,” he said, wrapping his arms around her, and easily picking her up from her seat. He walked, shielding her from the onlookers, giving them a pointed stare if they began to whisper. 

Once they reached the back, he backed off, and let lean against the wall and regulate her breathing. She was having a panic attack, unsure of what exactly triggered it, and felt tears starting to build in her eyes from being so overwhelmed. “What’s wrong, tell me what you need right now?”

“I don’t know what the fuck just happened. I just felt like everything was too much, and that I couldn’t breathe. I don’t know if I want to go back in,” tears were streaming down her face now, letting her body naturally react to being overstimulated once she realized Jack was here to help her.

“Alright, that’s alright. Just breathe for a minute, I’ll go inside and grab you a water. Sit, I promise I’ll be right back.”

He ran off, she appreciated the space. She slid down to sit against the cold brick of the building, wondering why and where that came from. She felt calmer, listening to the casual bustle of cars on the old brick road of the town square. 

The words that Jack had said earlier about Stacy being a predator taunted her, maybe she was being taken advantage of? Knowing that she had a reputation for sleeping with people, and the staff being well aware of how much of a heartbreaker she was would make her an easy target. But would a teacher, especially one like Stacy who was involved in so much, and had so much to risk, really take advantage of a student?

Her thoughts were interrupted by Jack, returning with a cup of water. He silently handed it to her and sat next to her, noticing how distant her look still was. She sipped on the ice-cold drink, and finally looked up at him. “Thank you.” She had to clear her throat, raspy after her silent sobs, “I’m sorry about earlier. I’ll keep my distance from her, and even if something happens, I won’t brag to you or Emy, I’m sorry it made you so uncomfortable.” 

He threw one of his arms around her, squeezing her tight against him. “Don’t apologize, it’s your life to live, not mine. I overreacted, it wasn’t fair for me to snap on you like that. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” He looked down at her, and gave a small half smile when she wiped away the last remnants of her tears, “You want to leave, or do you think you can handle this?”

“I’m good now. Did a lot of people see me?” The two got up, and swept the dust off the backs and pants, “Nah, I covered you up pretty well, and if they say anything I’ll sock them one.”

She huffed with something suggestive of amusement, as the two headed back to their crowded seat with their friends. As they sat down and gave their order to one of the baristas, the band walked on to the stage, getting a few courtesy claps as they started grabbing their instruments. 

The house lights went out, and a spot light lit up the center of the stage. Sara took in the band’s appearance, trying to judge exactly how they would sound before they even began to play. Truth be told, they looked like any other indie band, a group of guys, all wearing faded jeans with tightly rolled cuffs, jean jackets, flannels, boots, and all sported some variation of overgrown undercuts or something reminiscent of a mullet. All they were missing was some sort of sponsorship for urban outfitters or something, Sara thought. The front man interrupted her inspection, “Hey everyone, we are the Hunt!” 

Lindsey’s cheering for her beloved group could be heard over everyone else’s mediocre clapping. “Thanks, Linds, love the support,” the front man pointed to her. “We’re from Calgary, so we’re quite excited to playing back home, and not in our college town.” This amped the crowd up a little more, gauging some home town interest from them. 

“This song is called ‘Split,’” and with that the band started their set. Every now and then, the flash of Lindsey’s camera would light up the rest of the room, sometimes capturing the band in their angst-filled glory, other times taking unexpected snapshots of people’s reactions to the music. Sara and Jack were both into the music, both saying it reminded them something of Foster the People and The Neighborhood. As they were discussing this, Lindsey came back by their table, as the band came to a lull in their set, switching out their electric guitars for acoustic ones and casually conversing with the audience to pass the time. 

“Hey guys, you liking it so far?”

“Lindsey, right? Yeah, we’re all loving it so far, did they bring any CDs or merch with them for this little gig?”

“Yeah, they did. I’m so glad you guys are enjoying it. They said they won’t stick around long after this set, they have some friends in town they want to visit, but I’m sure I can convince them to strike up a conversation with you guys, if you’d like.”

“Awh hell yea!” Emy interjected, never turning down an invitation to meet new people, “I’m Emy by the way, Sara’s best friend. Pay no attention to Jack, he’s just the token straight dude in our group of friends to balance out our queerness.” Lindsey laughed obnoxiously, loving Emy’s boldness. 

“Let me get a quick shot of you guys, in all of your queerness,” Lindsey said, raising her eyebrows to emphasize her subtle joke.   
Emy enthusiastically threw her arms over Sara and Jack, nearly knocking them all down, all of whom yelled in response. Lindsey took a rapid burst of pictures, to capture the beautiful moment this awkward friendship offered. “I love it, you guys all fit each other so well.” Sara and Jack smiled briefly at one another, then brought their attention back to Lindsey, “I’ll let you guys enjoy the rest of the show. Meet me up front and I’ll introduce you to everyone when they wrap up.”

A new singer grabbed Sara’s attention. From her first inspection, she thought the band consisted of only guys, but remembered Lindsey saying something about a female guitarist. This must be her, but the sheer confidence and masculinity she emanated would have easily fooled Sara had she not known prior. 

“Hello everyone, I’m Tegan,” Lindsey gave her loudest cheer yet causing a few people to chuckle at just how proud she was of this band. “This is the boring part of the set. And when I say that, I mean the part where the rest of the band gets to go off and socialize for a bit while I set here and attempt to sing AND play at the same time. Crazy concept, I know.” Sara loved the rasp in this person’s voice, giving it an almost boyish quality. “Tonight, I’m going to be doing a cover of ‘Heartbeat,’ by Jose Gonzalez, as well as a few original songs. Sooo, I hope you like them,” the singer awkwardly strummed her guitar, noticing most of the crowd was now conversing with one another rather than listening to her. She cleared her throat, and began to play the melodic line on her guitar.

Sara was in complete and utter awe, loving the original song, as well as the unique rendition this stranger had to offer. She couldn’t take her eyes anyway from the performance, and completely understood why Lindsey thought this person was so captivating. 

“Holy shit,” Jack whispered in her ear. “This dude is amazing, no wonder they gave him his own little set.”

“Fucking right? I’m already in love, but I think that’s a girl, not a dude. Just so happens her name is Tegan, Lindsey was telling me about her earlier.”

“My bad, no disrespect, I just heard the name and assumed. But either way man, I’m digging it. And her fucking jawline! That thing can cut glass, sorta like yours,” Jack said, jokingly stroking Sara’s face. 

“Get the fuck outta here,” she said with laughter in her voice, pushing him away. 

They watched the rest of the singer’s set, making unwavering eye contact when she did look their way, to let her know that at least they were listening. The rest of the band joined shortly she wrapped up, and finished out their set with some more upbeat tunes. The crowd was loving the appeal of the band, and easily assimilated them into conversations when they came off stage to sell their merch. 

Lindsey quickly hustled to Sara and her friends, grabbing them and pushing them through the crowd to meet with the lead singer and drummer. They all gave brief introductions, and gushed about how impressed they were by the show. 

While Emy and Jack held conversation with the two band mates, Sara scanned the rest of the coffee shop looking for the guitar player who had taken all her interest. Lindsey noticed, “I already know who you wanna talk to.” She said pinching Sara’s arm. “I think Stacy had the same idea too,” she said pointing to the two talking. Stacy was laughing as the other singer of the band finished telling her story with over exaggerated hand and arm movement. 

Sara felt her hammering heartbeat in her ears, feeling panic flood her body again when she saw Stacy. She genuinely had no idea where this fear was coming from, but knew it was in her best interest to keep her distance until she figured out why. “Um, I think I’ll pass for now. How about me and you go out back and talk, huh?” Sara said, needing a distraction from the bustle in the room.

“Sure thing, but don’t think you’re moves are gonna work on me like they worked on Stacy.”

Sara froze in her tracks as they headed out back, but quickly caught up to Lindsey when the blonde had reached the door without her, “Are you serious? Was it that obvious?”

“Little bit when I first came in, but I doubt anyone would have been able to tell tonight, you barely said hi to her. Smoke?”

“Yeah, thanks. So, did she tell you about everything? Or was it like the elephant in the room type of deal?” She took the cigarette and offered to light Lindsey’s. 

“Eh, I asked her if I wanted to know what was happening. And she instantly got super defensive, so I told her to relax, because like, literally going through the same thing. I have the hots for Tegan, but the whole working for them, and the age difference thing sort of puts a damper on it. In all honesty, I’m blown away that Stacy acted on it. Nothing against you, but she’s putting a lot on the line if it became public or anything like that, but that’s not my business. It’s your own lives, but I can tell you seem a little upset with this.”

“Yeah, my friend Jack sort of flipped on me earlier when I told him what happened. Ever since then I feel terrified, like I can’t even look at her. I literally had a panic attack when we first walked in here and so many people saw us talking. I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to go to school and just sit in a room with her this week. And the irony is, before I left her apartment it was the opposite. I felt like I couldn’t care less if people knew, but I think reality of it all sort of set in.”

“I think you should talk to her. Maybe not tonight, around everyone, but give her a text or call her sometime before you guys go back to school and sort of straighten things out. Just from talking to her earlier, I can tell she genuinely cares about you. And I think if given the choice, she would rather keep some kind of relationship with you, even if it meant not being romantic, rather than ruining it just for the sake of trying, you know?” 

“Yeah, I get you. Thank you, Lindsey.” Sara chuckled to herself, “It’s weird. I’ve known you less than a day, but I feel like I can be honest with you, and have gotten more useful advice out of you than almost everyone else in that room.” 

“Ahh,” the blonde pushed Sara away, while also putting out her cigarette against the stone wall of the building, “See this is what I meant, no flirting with me, I’ve already got my eyes set on someone else.”

Sara chuckled, and ducked her head as Lindsey ruffled her hair. “Let’s head back in, I’ll introduce you to Tegan. Maybe she can convince you to go to school out in Montreal, that way I can keep giving you this life changing advice.”

The two walked back in, surprised to see that Emy, Jack, and Stacy were all already talking to Tegan, looking like that had all introduced themselves just fine without Lindsey’s help.

“By the way, did I tell you she’s a charmer? I can bet you right now, all three of them all have crushes on her already.”

“Bullshit, no one is that much of a smooth talker,” Sara said with disbelief in her voice. 

“You want to bet? I bet you by the end of the night, she’s gonna offer phone number, and one of you guys is going to take it.”

“What is this, the early 2000’s? Fucking deal, you could’ve made it easier and just said one of them will add her on Facebook or something.” Sara shrugged her shoulders, but shook Lindsey’s hand to seal their bet. The two walked up, and listened to the end of Jack explaining why he utterly hates the idea of soap being gendered. 

“Honestly, why can’t a guy smell like flowers? I don’t always want to smell like a damn pine tree.” 

“Alright there Jack,” Sara said, grabbing his shoulders to get him out of his unnecessary aggravation. “Hey guys,” Lindsey waved to the group. “So, let’s introduce everyone! So many people, so many new friends. Let’s start with me, I’m Lindsey, I’m 25, and I love long walks on the beach and I, too, love to smell like flowers. Okay, now you Stacy!”

“Oh geeze, what is this, an ice breaker? I already know everyone here,” she made brief eye contact with Sara before quickly looking away and focusing her attention on Tegan.

“It’s just Tegan and Sara who haven’t met yet. Tegan,” she said grabbing Tegan’s arm, “This is Sara,” she grabbed Sara’s and forced the two to shake hands.   
The two gave an awkward greeting to one another, and pulled apart when Stacy let go. 

“I really liked your cover tonight, that’s like one of my favorite songs of all time,” Sara said, directing it at Tegan.

“Awh, awesome dude. I thought you looked familiar. You two,” she pointed between Sara and Jack, “were like the only two people in the crowd that were like my rocks. It’s super nice of you to compliment me too, I’m still getting over a cold, so I legit sound like a man.”

Lindsey gasped, “Wait a second, you’re a girl? I’ve been bamboozled.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Tegan said, laughing, but having it quickly turn into a coughing fit. 

“Fuck, this tea is delicious.” She said, sipping on it to calm her aggravated throat, “Sara, why don’t me and you come back here tomorrow morning and get some more.”

Everyone’s facial expressions couldn’t have been more obvious, all of them painted in shock and astonishment with Tegan’s bold flirtatious advances. Lindsey’s suppressed chuckle made Sara want to punch her. Tegan had her eyebrow cockily raised, waiting upon Sara’s response.

“I...I guess,” Sara stuttered out, not sure why she just agreed to going on a date with a complete stranger in front of all her friends and teacher.

“Cool, here’s my number, I’ll text you a time. Don’t be late,” Tegan slid a piece of paper into her hand, and left without another word.

“Pay up, girl!” Sara faced Lindsey, with her jaw tightly clenched.

“You’re an ass, I hope you know that.” She said reaching into her pocket and giving Lindsey whatever change she had. 

“I think it’s time for us to go,” Jack said, not wanting to stay any longer to see how much more drama would unravel in front of them.

Emy and Jack headed out towards the front, giving some space for Sara to talk with Stacy before they left together.

“Hey, Stace, can we talk really quick. I don’t want to keep you long,” she said interrupting the conversation her professor was having with Lindsey.

“Yeah sure thing, let me walk you out front.”

The two made their way towards the exit with one another, and walked down the side alley of the building so that they were out of sight from the moving crowd.   
“That’s some crazy bold move of that Tegan girl to make, right?” Stacy said, pushing on Sara’s shoulder, getting in her personal space. Alcohol was evident on her breath. 

“Yeah,” Sara was short, feeling slightly uncomfortable with how touchy the woman was being with her in such a public setting. “Listen, about earlier, like with us,” she said pointing between them, “I think we should really be careful. I don’t think it would be smart for us to be seen in public, like on dates or anything. I think we both were just so caught up in the moment that it clouded our judgement, so don’t take this personally. We should just take this slow, and probably wait until the month is over so we don’t have to tip toe around everyone.”

“I agree. I agree, I’m sorry if I was being too pushy earlier with everything.” She took a step back from the teen, “You’re just so…engaging to me. I’m completely charmed by you it’s almost embarrassing. But I won’t take any offence if you want to slow this down. And Sara,” the professor asked, with suggestion in her voice. “Yes,” the teen responded, as the professor subtly grabbed her chin.

“Thank you for being you,” the professor smiled so wide, Sara couldn’t help but smile back and grabbed the professors hand. The professor leaned in, but instead went to kiss the teen’s forehead and give her a small embrace before she said her goodbyes and went back inside.

Sara looked down the alleyway, only noticing a few smokers near the exit door, none looking familiar, giving her a sense of relief. She jogged out to the front and caught up with her friends, glad that night had fixed itself, for now. 

“So, uh…can I get that number from you, or…” Jack tauntingly said, making Sara punch him out of annoyance, Emy loudly chuckle. “Watch it, who knows, maybe she’ll be a nice addition to our friend group.”

“Yeah right,” Jack rolled his eyes, “We got enough drama as it is, no need for another heartbreaker.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicide and mild self harm. If anyone is struggling with suicide, or any mental illness please call for help, reach out to your loved ones, and know that this world is meant for you to be in it.

Ringing. Constant buzzing and ringing? What the fuck is making that noise? Why wasn’t it stopping? Sara tossed over in her bed, grasping at the nightstand to find her phone. 

“Jesus Christ,” she looked at it to find her lock screen filled with texts and calls from all her closest friends. She looked at the time, it was only 5 in the morning, why were they up?

She unlocked it, only to be interrupted by another incoming call. It was Jack. She answered, but still felt groggy and disoriented from sleep. She barely croaked out a hello when he interrupted her, rushing through his sentence. Goosebumps rose all over her body, trying to decipher his words. 

“Jack, wait, slow down. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“She’s gone Sara, she’s gone. I was just talking to her last night. I don’t know what to do.” His breathing was erratic, making it sound like he was gasping for air with every breath he took. He was having a panic attack and didn’t know what to do.

“Who? Who’s gone? Where are you?” She pushed her covers off and threw on whatever clothes she could find. She ran out of her room and headed out the front door to her friend’s house.

She could hear his sobs on the other line, her heart aching at the sound. “Jack, are you home? I’m coming, but you have to tell me what’s wrong. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“I can’t. I don’t want this Sara.” She felt her own tears building, hating this feeling of helplessness. She reached his front door, already ajar, causing a chill to run down her spine. No cars were in the driveway, and the house was eerily quiet. 

She stayed on the phone line, fearing he wasn’t at his house, searching his living room and kitchen for any sign of him. She reached the bathroom with all its lights turned on and water running in the shower. She heard sniffling and threw her phone in her back pocket, running to the tub. 

“What the fuck Jack,” she threw the curtains to the side, showing him sitting in the cold stream with his clothes on and his body soaked. “Where is everyone? Can you get out of the tub? Please tell me what’s wrong?”

He shuddered, she wasn’t sure if it was from the cold of the shower or the despair he felt. Sara quickly wrapped him in a towel and set him on the edge of the tub. She hushed him and held him tightly, vigorously moving her hands up and down his arms to warm him up. She wanted to provide comfort, but was at a loss of what to do. She stepped back after his teeth stopped chattering and sat on the toilet lid, not wanting to leave his side. No words were spoken, but his lifeless stare spoke volumes.

The helpless friend pulled out her phone and scrolled through the messages that were still flooding her phone. All were directing her to go to Jack, saying something happened, no one knew what was wrong, but they all felt it in their gut. Emy was the last to text her, saying she saw an ambulance leave his driveway earlier and gone over to ask what the fuck was going on, but Jack had locked himself in the bathroom demanding Sara and no one else. 

“Hey Jack.” He hummed, still aimlessly staring at the floor. “Let’s go get you changed. I’ll go grab you some clothes, take these off and I’ll give you something warm to wear.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

She went into his room and scrounged through his messy drawers. His room was a disaster, nothing new. She was trying to think of who might have been sick in his family, but was at a loss. Both his parents were over the other night eating with her mom, planning some stupid family vacation. His sister was…well his sister. Moody and a little rude at times, but nice enough to her. She hadn’t seen her in a while, but that’s how teenagers are. 

Initially, they all were great friends, but with age she began to distance herself from Jack and his group, but it’s what’s expected as siblings grow older and apart from one another. 

She partially opened the door and set his clothes on the countertop and waited until he came out. He walked past her and went to the coffee machine and poured a cup. He hated coffee, but knew his friend well enough by now. 

“Sit.” 

The house fell silent again. She took in the sight of her best friend. His eyes were puffy and red, the one hand resting on the table was bruised and bloodied, probably from hitting a wall. 

‘Just tell me, tell how to help, tell me what’s wrong, what can I do,’ she wanted to scream at him. They stared at one another, tears gradually building in his eyes. His throat was killing him, from the silent sobs he repressed. “Jack, is everyone okay? Are you okay? I’m confused with what’s happening and it’s making me scared.” 

He tried speaking, he needed to say it out loud, but his body wouldn’t let him. Sara saw the anguish across his face, and wanted nothing more than to take away all his pain. 

“My sister committed suicide.”

Her leg was burning. The coffee she had dropped scorching her leg. She couldn’t feel the pain, though. Just the tingling sensation it left in its trace. The words repeated themselves in her head, but she couldn’t make sense of it. The silence was welcomed finally. Tears fell, ears were ringing, and their heartbeats could be felt banging in their temples. 

She did nothing. She couldn’t feel her own body. Her eyes roamed the room, trying to understand if what she was going through was really happening. She met Jack’s, and reached across the table to hold his bloodied hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” She could barely speak the words, her throat restricting the air she needed to breath, and her chest feeling tight.

He moved his gaze to the table, sitting in the silence again. After a few minutes, the ringing of phones made them both jump. It was Sara’s mom calling. She let it go to voicemail.

“I need to talk about it. I need to know this is real. I don’t want it to be, but it’s like this is a fucking nightmare. It’s like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and I’m watching it happen.”

She couldn’t handle the tears covering his face, and moved to sit on his lap, wrapping her arms around him and tried to hug the pain away. She wanted him to feel her comfort, and wanted to take away the hurt. She hummed and swayed trying to calm him, sitting there for what felt like hours. Both eventually falling asleep in the stiff chair, finding enough peace to sleep for just a little while.

They awoke to Emy and Sara’s mom running through the door and screaming their names. Shock painted everyone’s face. Emy had gotten the call from Jack’s mom, hearing the news. So did Sonia. “Is everyone okay?” Sonia ran up to the two, who untangled their bodies and stood up from the table. Her presence lightened the room, it made everyone feel safe. 

The group sat for hours, waiting for his parents to return. Sonia knew better than to pry anything out of anyone, and her heart bled for the entire family. They sat and sipped on coffee and tea, flipping through channels and avoiding the subject. The sound of the garage rattling the house awakened everyone from their trance. 

His parents walked in, and looked like they had aged 10 years in a day. Their eyes were bleak, and their complexion drained. They sat down, and told everyone what happened. Jack stayed, needing to hear for himself that she was gone. That this was real.

His mother spoke first. “I woke up around midnight, Jack had just got home. I went in the living room and noticed Audrey’s diary was out on the coffee table. She never leaves it out there, but I could hear her and Jack talking in his room so I went back to bed.” Tears were building in her eyes, but her voice remained calm and steady. “Something in the back of my head kept telling me to go check on her after I laid back down. Around 3 I got up again and checked the living room to see if she was still up. Her diary was on the table, but she was back in her room.” Her voice cracked, and she covered her face to take a few deep breaths. “I opened the door, and found her in her bed, with her covers pulled up. It looked like she was sleeping, but she wasn’t moving at all. I couldn’t see her breathing, and I didn’t hear any noise.” Jack’s father sat on the table, muffling his tears with his hand. “She overdosed on my sleeping pills.” She could barely mutter the last sentence, her chest aching with every memory and detail she relayed. 

The world stopped. Sara’s life felt unreal, and everything felt empty. No words could be said to console, and no person could fix the hurt they all felt, unless it was Audrey herself. The energy in the room was nonexistent, there was no movement from anyone, and the only sound to be heard were the sniffling of noses and gasps for air. After a certain point, Jack couldn’t take it anymore, and stormed out of the house, Emy and Sara knew exactly where he was headed. 

His parents didn’t question him, and Sonia gave Sara the go ahead to chase after. The two teens ran after their friend into the empty lot that existed at the end of their subdivision. This was Jack and Audrey’s favorite spot as kids. Where they played hockey, soccer, or any made up game they could think of when they were younger. The kids around the town would always join, but Jack knew it was his sister who made the memories so vivid and lively even now into his late teens. 

They had built something of a makeshift time machine when they both got into middle school, wishing to go back to the times when they were kids, so they could get out of homework, and not have to deal all the troubles their preteens brought. Their dad helped them build it, with the extra wood he had after his new renovations. Even for a silly request his children made, their father always went the extra mile to make them happy. 

As teenagers, squeezing 3 bodies into the small quarters was possible, but not enjoyable. But the group of 19 year olds suffered through it, needing the physical memory of Audrey to surround them, and make them feel whole again, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. They reminisced, laughed, and cried until they couldn’t bear the small enclosure anymore. 

The world felt wrong, and empty. But hearing she was gone and letting it set in made it manageable. The false momentary idea that was she was going to be there when they got back to the house would probably never leave any of their minds, but Jack had known that the pain she was going through would be something that would have challenged her, her whole life.

His family had never told others, not even their closest friends, that Audrey had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Cycles of trying new medications, therapists, and home remedies had only made it worse as she continued to age. She hated her reliance on the aids, even if they did improve her condition. The hatred of the illness soon turned into hatred of herself, and depression was almost a synonymous symptom she associated with her disease. Her interests dwindled down to nothing, and she felt like doing nothing. Jack and his parents tried their best to take her out and include her in their lives, but knew that her mental state took away the enjoyment and comfort they so easily achieved in their daily lives. 

Sara and Emy had a hunch that Audrey was ill, but never felt the need to express their curiosity. Judging from the family’s reaction to the loss, all ranges of emotions were present, and it made it clear that their loss wasn’t entirely something unexpected, but was something none of them ever could have imaged happening so early in her life. Jack’s expressions varied the most, going from bouts of anger to extreme understanding and acceptance of it all. His mother proved to be the rock of the family, wanting to stay strong for the two men in her life that needed that sense of security. His father took it the hardest. His baby girl was gone, and he took the brunt of the blame onto himself, knowing this illness ran in his family and was why she developed it so early. He cursed at himself, and wanted to scream at the world. 

The numbness of it all kicked in when the tears stopped flowing. It was still early in the morning, the sun basking the world in it’s beautiful rays, continuing as if nothing had happened, and it was just another day. All their bodies felt stiff, but they knew movement and activity would help them process better. All of them parted ways, Sonia bringing Emy and Sara to breakfast, and Jack taking his father to see the childhood hangout they had reminisced over earlier. Their mother made the funeral arrangements, and lit her first cigarette in over 20 years. 

Emy and Sonia sat and talked about the future, needing a change of subject, and something more hopeful to think about. Sara listened, sipping on the harsh black coffee the diner offered, and was slapped with how drastic and unexpected life could be. One night she was out enjoying life, scandalously, with her teacher, and now she’s sitting in a booth trying her hardest not to break down in tears over the loss of her best friend’s sister. Up until now she had forgotten to check her phone, not really knowing how to respond to the influx of texts her friends sent her. 

She had all but forgotten about meeting that girl last night, and the last thing she wanted to do was go and flirt over coffee. But the new set of texts’ she got reminded her that life does continue, and not everyone can sense the pain she and her friends were going through.

‘Hey. This is Tegan. Wanna meet for coffee at 10? My treat.’

She stared mindlessly at the text, debating on whether to even respond to it at all. Her internal struggle must have made itself evident on her face, as her mother and Emy chuckled at the deeply set furrowed brow she was displaying as she would begin to text and delete it all.

“Don’t pop a blood vessel their honey,” Sara hummed in response still paying no attention to the two people in the booth. 

Emy snatched the phone out of her hand, and quickly read the message and shook her head. Sonia’s curiosity got to the best of her as she, too, snooped over the text message. 

“Ohh, who’s Tegan honey? Is he a new guy friend of yours?” Her mom was all but beaming over this newfound interaction. Emy loudly snickered, and handed the phone back to Sara. 

“What, what I am I missing here? I think you should go ahead and say yes to him, you need a distraction today.” Her mom reached across the table to pat her arm.

“I don’t need a fucking distraction. I’m allowed to feel sad, and I don’t need your approval.” 

She got up from the table, disregarding her mother’s angry screams for her to come back, walking out the door and texted the stranger back.

‘Does now work? I’ll meet you at the Jack. Same place as last night.’

‘Oh, sure. See you soon’

Sara knew her outburst wasn’t necessary but couldn’t keep it in. She hated how everyone just wanted to gloss over the trauma that happened mere hours ago. Did no one fucking care? Her best friend’s family was in shambles, and all her mother could think about was the possibility of Sara getting a boyfriend? Out of spite she wanted to go, or maybe it wasn’t spite. Maybe she shouldn’t go at all. Ditch this person and make them feel as hopeless as she did now. 

Her brain was on autopilot as her feet took her to the exact spot she was trying to convince herself to not go to. “Fuck.” As walked past the large front window, she made eye contact with Tegan, who gave a smile in return. She mustered up the courage to walk in, and gave the biggest smirk she could to feign some kind of false happiness. 

She sat down at the table, feeling like she was under a spot light in the busy coffee shop. She starred at Tegan’s hand clutching the coffee, following the veins that reached her forearm, hiding themselves under the tattoo that masked her forearm, depicting a mangled tree. “I like your tattoo a lot. It’s different.” She couldn’t meet her eye, and continued starting at it as the stranger rotated her arm to show it fully. 

“Well good morning to you too. You look a little beat up, stay up late with that lady you kissed last night?” She met the strangers eye with a quipped eyebrow, startled by this person’s boldness. 

“Yeah, no. Definitely not that.” Her thoughts came flooding out of her mouth before she could withhold the anguish fueling them. “I don’t even know why I’m here right now. I’m so lost with life right now, and none of this makes sense. I don’t know you, or why you’re trying so hard to make me uncomfortable, but it’s working.” The words struck Tegan, making her stiffen in her seat, feeling exposed in a way that no one had ever called her on before. 

She cleared her throat before speaking, changing the flirtatious tone she once had to something more serious, “Lindsey wanted me to talk to you about going to college out in Montreal.” She loosened her posture, and leaned back into the chair. “I’m sorry if I’m overstepping boundaries and making you uncomfortable. We don’t have to be doing this. I understand that I am a stranger to you, and my opinion isn’t valid, but Lindsey really spoke highly of you, and said that you were sort of at a loss right now. I wanted to do a solid for her, but clearly this wasn’t what you wanted or needed.” 

Tegan was still stiffly holding the coffee cup, her clenched hand exposing her veins even more so now. Sara couldn’t take her gaze off the sight, but spoke her mind after sitting in the uncomfortable silence.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice began to break, but she scolded herself mentally, and sighed and shut her eyes before speaking again. “Listen, it was really nice of you to do that for Lindsey, and to actually sit here and offer to talk to me about it. I know I probably seem fucking crazy right now, considering I could have easily just told you no, but instead I show up, and sit and scream at you.” She took a deep breath before continuing, and finally looked up at the other girl. “One of my friends committed suicide last night. I’m not sure where I am right now, mentally. But I know if I really want to be here.”

Tegan’s eyes grew in response, “Oh my god! No, I mean I want to be on this earth, living! I just meant, I don’t know if I should be here sitting in a coffee shop, with you, right now.” 

Tegan reached across the table and patted Sara’s hand, “I’m sorry. I know that nothing that I say right now will help with that, but I’m so sorry. Can you let me get you a coffee, and maybe me and you can go and sit somewhere outside?”

She was hesitant to take the offer, but something deep within her urged her to take a chance and try interacting with this human, who has only shown her kindness so far. “Yes, thank you. Did you drive? I might have a place we can go to for a bit if you’re not in a rush.”

“I’m in no rush. That sounds okay with me,” the friendly brunette gave a small, shy smile before nodding and heading to the barista to get the coffee. Sara fixed her hair and rubbed her eyes, hoping to get the blood circulating back in her face, making her look more human, and less like an emotionally drained vampire.

She watched this girl confidently speak to the barista, like they had known each other their entire lives, mindlessly talking about nothing, and making each other laugh over the simple process of making coffee. She wished to have that kind of presence. But Sara knew that it would take more than just a little inspiration for her to break out of this funk she has been in these past few months. 

She made eye contact with Tegan, and felt embarrassed that she was caught staring, so she quickly looked away and used her phone as a clutch, sending a text message to Emy and her mom that she was sorry, and that she would be home for dinner. 

The brunette bumped Sara with her hip, giving her a little scare. Tegan chuckled at the response, but apologized before handing her the hot cup of coffee. She reached across the table to grab her keys.

“Lead the way dude,” Tegan said, pulling the chair back for Sara to stand up, and smiled in response to the chivalrous act. Tegan pointed to her car as they neared it, and quickly opened the door for her. 

When she started up the car, Sara’s cheeks were obviously blushed, and Tegan was quick to ask if everything was okay. “Yes, you’re just…so nice?” Sara was kicking herself mentally, hating how awkward she was coming across. “So, tell me about Montreal. Why there? What’s your major? Is it worth it?” 

Tegan huffed in response, laughing at how eager Sara sounded now. “First tell me where we’re going, and I’ll explain on the way, yeah?” She gave a cheeky smile, and let Sara direct her up to a nature preserve, surrounded by oak and pine trees. The two spent hours aimlessly wandering around the trail, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time; the reality of life, how they liked their coffee, who their first loves were, their love hate relationship with school, and occasionally the subtle flirting that so naturally happened with Tegan. 

“Have I convinced you to go to Montreal, yet? Or do we need another lap around this trail?” Tegan quipped her eyebrow, and gently nudged the shy teen. 

She shook her head, feeling butterflies in her stomach, but thinking about this morning and yet again letting the reality of her life flood her thoughts. She nervously messed with her hair, and was honest with her new friend. “I would love to go. Everything sounds perfect about it. But I need to talk about it with my friends. I need them with me.” She scrunched her face in embarrassment, but continued, “And I know that sounds so codependent, and spineless of me, but at this point in my life, I don’t know if I could make it without them.”

She was startled by Tegan’s response, who immediately hugged her and squeezed her with all her might. Sara’s arm were stiff, at her sides, but she rested her head on Tegan’s shoulder. “I sound crazy, don’t I?”

“No…” Tegan said, releasing her grasp from her and taking a step back. “It’s just so weird to listen to you speak, because it’s like the same exact way I was before I left. And on top of it, this constant self-deprecation thing you’re doing to yourself is driving me a little mad, because you’re honestly one of the coolest, and most genuine human I have met in a really long time.”

Sara kicked at the dirt, again feeling embarrassed by the attention from this new person. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop. But you have to promise me after tonight, you’ll stay in contact with me, okay?”

“Okay,” she said with a smile in her voice, and they pinky swore to keep their bond.

“Good,” hooking her arm under Sara’s, “now, let’s get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone reads this, thank you. This has been a rough patch in my life, but writing has helped me come to terms with a lot of the emotional repression through these events. Again, please feel free to contact me, through any means I have listed prior, if any of these issues get to you, and you need someone to talk to. Thank you all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! Sorry for such a long hiatus. I appreciate all the comments and kudos, but the end of the semester and some family issues had me a bit preoccupied. My goal for this year is to keep up with posting for both of my works (I'll start by trying to update once a month,) but I'm excited for rest of this work, and I think you guys will appreciate the end of the slow burn and angst once we get there :)

The rest of the school year felt like a blur. One moment Sara was getting called in by the board of education, getting questioned about Dr. Reader’s ethics, and the next she was walking across the stage to receive her diploma. She lied, told the board her and her professor were just close because of the emotional trauma she had been through in the past months. She milked the sob story to her advantage, but felt trapped when she found out her mom was filled in on the entire conversation.

“Why did you go to her, and not me? I’m your mom, Sara. You know I’m always here, even if work has me spread too thin.” She remembers her mom pausing before calmly stating, “If this woman touched you, or pressured you, and you feel like you can’t tell the truth, just know I will hurt her. You are still my baby, even if you are leaving this house soon. No one has any right to take your power of choice away from you, honey.” Her mom’s words of empowerment made her feel full. Feeling realized, for once. She nodded her head, and let her mom rant on and on, lied to her mother’s face about the reality of the relationship, but was honest in the fact that it was in no way abusive. 

Now, she walks across the stage, with her ears ringing, from nerves, mostly, but also from Jack and Emy screaming their hearts out in the seats of her peers. She stumbled over her words as she thanked the row of administration that gave out her honors, but felt accomplished and like her life was finally changing for the better. She smiled so wide, her eyes were squinted in the picture they took of her holding the diploma, but she couldn’t give a shit. This was her time to be happy. 

She settled back in with Emy and Jack in the front row as they finished the ceremony. “Holy shit” was the only phrase the group could mutter the entire night, letting reality sink in. This is it, twelve years of hard work, emotional distress, lost relationships, new relationships, fuck even new identities, all to get here. Right here. As much as she tried paying attention to the words coming out of the speakers mouth, nothing made sense. Her mind was thinking about what was next, where would she go? What about Jack and Emy? Is her mom gonna be okay? Her thoughts were interrupted by the crowd of students launching their hats into the air, as high as they could. She kept hers on, but turned around to take in the sight. Jack whipped hers with all his might when he realized she wasn’t going to partake in the odd tradition. “Now let’s get the fuck out of here!” He screamed, causing all the other students to yell and echo his sentiment, charging the auditorium doors, ready to leave and go celebrate with friends and family. 

The cafeteria was crammed with families. Sara had never seen this many people in their old school all at one time, making her anxious, but Emy and Jack had a tight grasp on her, and knew exactly where to go to find all their family and friends. The flood of emotions was unescapable, her mother in tears, happy to see her daughter graduate, but sad to see her growing up so quickly. Jack’s parents both grasped onto him with all their might, he turned red and thought he had broken a rib. Emy couldn’t keep her tears hidden anymore, and sobbed as her mother and father sobbed with her, so proud of what she achieved throughout high school. The group took their obligatory photos with one another, relishing in the last moments of their high school lives, and found as many other friends to keep these memories forever. But the three were anticipating the dinner to come after the photos, all waiting to finally announce where they had decided to go to university. 

The rowdy bunch of families headed to their favorite pizza shop in town, crowding the dining area and making all the other patrons look their way with the gown-clad teens and formally dressed adults. Sara and her friends were in too much of a rush to even think about talking off the gowns, and she secretly thought that it looked nice on her. Black and gold were always her favorite color combination. Her mother was the first to make a remark about their outfits, but mainly to ensure they wouldn’t get food on them. Sara had forgotten what she had worn underneath, feeling underdressed surrounded by her friends and family that all wore dresses and button ups to match the event. Earlier she felt hot getting dressed, and took off the button up on the way to the high school, now leaving her only in her ripped jeans, and plain white t-shirt. Her mother gave her the knowing look of slight disapproval, and Jack and Emy let her hear all the obnoxious remarks they could make about it. 

She avoided them by taking safety in her phone, and talking to Tegan. Ever since Tegan had left to go back to university, they had been texting each other non-stop. She liked letting this new person in on her life, and the rush she felt whenever she received a notification from her wasn’t something she had ever experienced before. 

“Why you smiling at your crotch, Sar? Wearing a pair of funny underwear today?” Jack prodded, trying to snoop and look at who she was texting.

“No one, asshole. I was just checking my phone, get outta here,” she said pushing his intruding body away from her personal space. 

“I’ve noticed that too, I always just thought she was texting one of you guys,” her mother chirped, making Jack and Emy both direct their attention towards their friend. 

“Ohhh, so now you’re trying to hide stuff, aye?” Jack said, pushing his glasses up. “Who is it?” Emy lightly kicked Jack’s leg under the table, scared that it might be Dr. Reader. He hissed at the feeling, but Sara was surprisingly honest with her response. 

“It’s Tegan. We’ve been talking about McGill University, and what it’s like to live in Montreal, since that’s where I’m going to school pretty soon.”

She waited a few seconds for everyone to register what she had just said, and then felt her eardrums damn near burst when they all realized she just admitted she got accepted into university. Jack and Emy quite literally were jumping with joy, putting her in a headlock, and shrieking with happiness. Just a few weeks back, none of these people in this room would have expected to feel so happy and alive, after the horrible trauma they had been through, but the event made them bond and become stronger. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you Sar! Me and Emy were grasping at straws of where you were gonna go. I’m so happy for you!” Jack exaggeratedly kissed her cheek, and ruffled her hair before sitting back down. 

The entire group was shocked that Sara was finally set on going to university, as it had always been a sore spot for her. Jack and Emy had made a pact early in their high school career that wherever one went, the other followed suit. They both picked the University of Montreal, mainly because they had loved every second of the tour they had at that school, but it also was something new and foreign. 

“Sara, are you joking? Why Montreal?” Emy asked, confused with how their friend sensed Montreal was the place to be.

“A few of our professors had suggested it to me back in the fall. I looked around online, and it looked culturally, very different from here, so it interested me. But then I met Tegan, and she hyped the area and school up to the point where I feel like I might miss out if I don’t give it a shot. Also, you guys never shut up about it, sooo…” 

Emy interrupted Sara’s trailing sentence by exclaiming, “Me and Jack both got accepted into the University of Montreal!”

“You’ve got to be shitting me! That’s so awesome dude, we’re like not even ten minutes away from one another.” Another round of happy, and comforting tears were shed between the group. Finally, Jack swooped Sara’s phone out of her hands when she wasn’t paying attention, and read all the messages he could before feeling Sara’s wrath. She all but latched her body onto his back, pulling and pinching to get it back. 

He shrieked in pain when she elbowed him in the neck, giving her the phone, and calmly sitting back down. All the family members around the table looked at him, wanting insight on what they were talking to each other about, but no one wanted to seem nosy.

“That was the lamest conversation I have ever read in my life. You really asked, ‘what’s your favorite k-cup?’ Are you serious Sara? Are you really that much of a middle-aged librarian?”

Sara’s ears turned red, but was relieved that that’s all he had seen. She would rather be mocked for being too modest than being too revealing or explicit, especially in front of her mom and friend’s parents. “I told you, I was just talking to her about school and stuff, she would send me pictures of what the campus looks like, and all the different coffee shops, just stupid things like that, so I needed to make some small talk.”

The group seemed smitten by the innocent interaction between the two, and her mom seemed surprisingly excited for Sara to keep talking to Tegan. “I like this person! If they’re taking pictures of campus, it must mean they go to class, and that’s always a good thing.” 

The night settled down greatly as the friends and family ate, but the parents were very aware of all the parties that would be happening this night. Without any provocation, all of them gave the okay for the teens to party, if they had someone to get them home, or a safe place to sleep that night. All three of the kids acted as if they weren’t surprised, but deep down they were shocked that their parents were encouraging it. They were planning on going to one of the bigger parties that was being hosted by their mutual friend Mackenzie.

Mackenzie was one of Emy’s friends, they shared an obsession with the arts, but Mac, as they called her was always a little bit different from everyone else. She was stunningly beautiful, but in a way that was hard to pin point why. Sara thought it was Mac’s strikingly blue eyes, platinum hair, and rather tall stature. It gave her an edge, but she still was approachable. Sara always stuttered and made a fool of herself when speaking to her, wanting to seem cool, but knew that it probably made her look like more of a dork than she already was. Emy, on the other hand, had longed after this girl since middle school, but had repressed those feelings after thinking she was out of her league. In high school Emy met Jenn, and they had been a ‘thing’ since, but an unsuccessful and confusing relationship at that. 

“What time are we heading out,” Jack asked, jumping in the passenger side of Emy’s truck. “I was thinking closer to 10, so we can all get changed, and Sara can have time to talk to Dr. Reader,” Emy responded.

“What?” Sara questioned, sandwiched in between the two, completely thrown off by the comment. “Why do I have to talk to Stacy? I saw her once today in the stands, that’s it.” Her brow was furrowed, and confusion painted both her and Jack’s demeanor. 

“I talked to her after school last week, before we got out, and told her that she should apologize to you for everything that happened. After Jack made the comment, of her using her age or power… or whatever, to sort of manipulate you, I think it made more sense to me. And you saw how big of a shit show it turned into, so I just felt like she needed to act like more of an adult and fess up to her mistakes.”

Sara was in shock. Emy was never the kind to go behind their backs, and definitely not the person to instigate drama, but here she was, putting herself in the middle of an issue that Sara had thought was already resolved. “Emy, literally what the fuck? After the school board questioned me and her, we both decided to stop talking. Like completely. My mom was threatening to hurt this woman, so I wasn’t going to keep talking to her. And even if we were still speaking, why did you think you had to get involved?” The anger in Sara’s tone was rising, and was making Emy red with embarrassment. 

“You never told me what was going on! I still thought you were with her, and you were just hiding it until it was more acceptable for you two to be together. Wasn’t that your original plan anyways?” They had pulled into Sara’s driveway, where they had all left a change of clothes for tonight. 

“I don’t mean to yell at you Emy, but fuck. Have you not paid any attention to what I’ve said about the whole thing? It was so hard to keep you guys out of the investigation, because the whole school knows were all friends. I’m just irritated that this problem is getting brought up again.” She slid out of the truck, and slammed the door, heading to her room with no other exchange.

The two other friends followed suit, but with silence surrounding them. They all changed in separate rooms, until Emy finally knocked on Sara’s door and asked if she could come in. Sara opened the door, but kept her back to Emy.

“Sara. Please don’t be mad. I still thought you had feelings for her, otherwise I would have never said anything to her. I understand it was a shitty situation, and I don’t even know how the school found out, but I really didn’t mean for you to feel trapped in any type of relationship with her.” Emy was sitting on the bed, obvious sadness in her voice from her own fuck up. 

“It’s okay Em. I guess I should have been clearer with you guys, but you know I don’t like when other people intervene in others relationships.” She paused, and gave a deep sigh before asking, “Do you want to know what happened?”

Emy looked up, surprised that Sara was going to open up about the situation. She nodded, just as Jack came back in the room. She motioned for him to sit, as Sara closed the door behind him, just in case her mom came back early. 

“So, I told you both what happened the night that everything sort of escalated for us. We made out, but by chance Lindsey showed up and it halted any other ‘action.’” Jack chuckled at Sara’s lame wordage. “But whatever, the school knew absolutely nothing about that obviously, because who the fuck would admit that. But later that night, after we had gone to the little concert at the Jack, someone had seen me and her talking right before we left. She kissed me on the forehead, but I didn’t think anyone had seen it.” She looked at Jack, who looked tense the longer she explained what happened.

“That Monday at school we interacted like normal, we didn’t try and make it weird or anything, and I had told her about all the stuff that had gone on that weekend,” Jack clenched his jaw, knowing she was speaking of his sisters passing, but appreciated that she didn’t bring it up directly. 

“I stayed after school, just to sort of vent and let everything out with her, in her office mind you, and we kissed after it. Like the smallest of pecks. And not even a second or two after we had pulled away, a couple of students came in without knocking and saw how close we were. I grabbed all my shit, and left, because everyone looked horrified. Stacy was so awkward, that I think she would have given it away no matter what. The next day both of us got pulled down to the main office, and I had to spend all day getting interrogated about the relationship. One of the kids must have been at the concert cause that little interaction was brought up the most. The school saw it as unethical that a student and teacher were together at such an event, and that there was physical contact.” After her long-winded explanation, she gave another deep sigh and looked at her friends for a response. 

“I’m sorry Sar, I didn’t know that’s how that all happened.” Emy looked upset, but more so with herself than with the situation. 

“You didn’t know, don’t blame yourself. But can I ask when I have to talk to her? Or am I supposed to reach out to her?” Sara said with some nervousness in her inflection. 

“Um,” Emy tried remembering what she said to the teacher but couldn’t remember specific details, “I think you should reach out to her. Or at least tell her you don’t want to or something.” Sara thought about it for a few seconds, before grabbing her phone and calling the teacher. It rang and went to voicemail, where she left a message saying that sometime in the upcoming week they should meet, outside of school, to talk. Jack seemed disappointed, and Emy was very aware of why, but hated the thought that a teacher like Dr. Reader would manipulate a student like that, she refused to believe that Sara would ever let that happen anyway.

Jack suddenly jumped off the bed, and clapped. “Well now that were done with that drama, can we go over to Emy’s place really quick to grab the drinks?” Sara knew how protective Jack was of her, but was irritated that he could barely even give her the time to listen to the situation. “Sure,” Sara agreed, but she made eye contact with Emy to make sure that she wasn’t the only one that noticed Jack’s change in behavior. 

“How has Tegan been, Sar? Also, please don’t ever let your mom look through your phone. The number of shirtless pics I saw in a matter of like 10 seconds was too much.” Emy wheezed with laughter, grabbing onto Sara’s arm to keep her body upright. 

“No, there’s no fucking way you saw those!” Sara pushed Emy out of the way to get in the passenger seat of the truck. The front had a bench seat though, allowing Jack force his large body into the remaining space, squeezing Sara in between him, and Emy driving. “I fucking hate you so much Jack! I told you not to look through my phone.”

Sara sat in the middle with her arms crossed, stewing in her irritation. “But for real, how is she? I thought she was a cool chick, do you guys actually keep up with one another or it is just like a physical thing?” Jack prodded again.

Sara knew he was being serious, but still felt like she was being mocked. “She’s good. I wasn’t lying earlier though, we do talk to each other about school, and clearly, she does send me pictures of the campus. But I do think she is physically attractive, she sent me a pic of her at the gym once, and I made some tacky compliment and ever since then she just sends me random pics like that.”

“That’s what snapchat is for, hun.” Jack ruffled her hair, loving that he could still antagonize her after all these years. “You don’t ever send any back though, is there a reason for that?” 

Emy hissed at Jack from the other side of the car, not wanting Sara to feel uncomfortable. It made Sara laugh, loving that even as reckless teenagers, Emy still was like a mom. “No, it’s okay Em. I’ve told you about it more than I have Jack. But,” she said directing the conversation towards him, “I really don’t like… I guess my own female body. It’s not something I’m comfortable with, like meaning my boobs and shit. Some days I feel like its whatever, but others I hate that I have them, so I bind and try and hide any hints of that from my physical appearance, and I’ve even told Tegan that, so it doesn’t seem like I’m some pervert hoarding her topless pics.”

Emy let her curiosity through finally, “What kind of topless pics?” 

Jack was the first to answer, “There was no actual titties. So that was disappointing,” which earned him a smack from Sara. “But she has a nice body, she’s pretty fit.” Emy giggled at his answer, but was happy for Sara. She liked that Sara was becoming more comfortable explaining her own feelings, and that it wasn’t stunting new relationships. 

The group ransacked Emy’s room of all the liquor and beer they could find, throwing it in a cooler Jack had grabbed from his parent’s garage. “Just so you guys know, I’m getting trashed tonight, so we need to claim a spot as soon as we get to this party, so I don’t have to worry about sleeping outside.” Sara said, Jack high fiving her in response. Emy shook her head, but liked that her friends at least admitted when they were going to get sloppy, knowing to keep an eye on them. 

As they showed up to the party, the house seemed rather quiet. Only a few bedroom lights were on, and the driveway was clear of cars. Emy sent a text to Mac, making sure this was the right house. The blonde walked out and waved, and told the group to park their car down the road.

As the group walked into the house, the music rang throughout the hallways, carried all the way from the basement. Groups of people talked and mingled upstairs, but Mac had told them all the liquor and real partying was downstairs. The smell of weed and heavy liquor wafted its way up from the basement too. Their normal friend group was upstairs, enjoying a small bowl that someone had packed, which the three gladly took part in. Just before they went downstairs, Jenn spotted Emy and snatched her from the group.

Jack and Sara rolled their eyes, but knew to come back up and check in on them in a little. They had never cared for Jenn all that much, she interacted with them only when she wanted something, and used Emy. The friends knew Emy was too sweet and caring to end it, but were glad that Mac and her had begun to talk more. Mac gave Emy the right kind of confidence to stand up to Jenn, at least when the problem was glaring enough for Emy to notice. They had slowed down on hanging out, and almost never slept together anymore, but Jenn still stuck around Emy, basically as a source for her to party. Sara hated her the most, after one night Jenn tried drunkenly making out with her, and tried denying it, right in front of Emy’s face after Sara told her about the interaction. The girl cried, knowing Emy was a sucker for tears, but Sara knew that tactic, and mentally made sure to never be alone with her in the same room again.   
Mac brought the two friends down stairs, and handed them jell-o shots of varying colors. The group did the shots with ease, before mingling with each other. Before the party, Tegan had left a voicemail on Sara’s phone. With how eventful the night was, Sara hadn’t had the chance to check her phone, and failed to realize how many notifications she had. While her other friends socialized, Sara ran upstairs, to listen to the few messages she had. One from Tegan, and another from Stacy.

“Hi Sara. I’m so proud of you.” Her professor sounded genuinely happy for her. “I just got your voicemail now, and I would love to meet up with you. Just let me know a time and place and I’ll see if I can make it. Have a good night.” And she ended the call. 

Sara was anticipating Tegan’s voicemail. Honestly having no clue what she was going to say. Just as she went to open it, Emy and Jenn came up from behind her and snatched her phone away, hitting her in the mouth her own phone on accident. “Holy shit, ow!” She pressed on her lip, surprised that there was no blood. “Jenn, give me my phone back.” Emy giggled, and pushed Sara away. “Emy stop. Tell her to give it back,” Jenn began to play the message, putting it up to her ear, and making the most exaggerated face she could make. 

“What’d she say?” Emy chirped, only fueling Sara’s irritation. “Jesus Em, move.” She pushed her out of the way, before grabbing her phone back from Jenn. “Stop fucking with me. And stop fucking with my best friend,” Sara made direct eye contact with Jenn, before moving past her and intentionally pushing her with her shoulder. 

She went on the back patio, where some smokers were chatting, but was surprised that it was one of the quietest spots she could find. The dull thudding of the trash music in the basement was ironically sort of soothing, as it mixed with the natural sounds of the creek behind the house. She sat on the step, and replayed the message.

“Hi Sara. I hope your graduation went well. I told you I would see you walk across the stage,” Sara felt her heart drop into her stomach, scared that she somehow missed seeing Tegan. “I livestreamed it. Someone posted it on YouTube, so I clearly had to support my girl.” Sara resisted the urge to grin, but couldn’t contain it, loving how Tegan always made her feel realized. “I almost got kicked out of the chat because how much I spammed when I saw you.” She laughed, picturing Tegan typing like crazy within the minute and a half she was on the stage. “But, um, yeah. Just wanted to say congrats. I wanted you to know I was thinking about you,” and instantly Sara felt the butterflies kick in. Her face felt flush, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. “Be safe girlie, and let me know when you get home. Can’t wait to see you.” 

Sara replayed the message a few more times, but stopped when Jack texted her and asked if she was okay. She ran back in, and found her group on a couch, chatting away. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face, and was glad that her friends were all too drunk and too high to notice. She had dealt with enough embarrassment for the day. She noticed that Jenn wasn’t anywhere in the room, and quietly asked Jack if she left. He attempted to whisper back, but instead clearly screamed to the room that he “told that bitch off, and made her leave Emy alone.” She tried to suppress her laughter, but lost it as soon as Mac started laughing. Everyone in the room joined in on the laughing spree, until tears were in everyone’s eyes and their stomachs hurt. Mac patted on Emy’s thigh, and put her head on her shoulder, starting to feel the effects of the partying. Jack and Sara could feel the contained excitement radiating from Emy, and decided to leave the room to give them some space. 

Jack started to pour them shots, making some sort of weird concoction out of all the liquors they brought. She decided to send a text to Tegan before she knew she would get drunk off her ass.

‘Hey stranger. Thank you for the lovely voicemail, it made my night exponentially better. Sorry for the lack communication today, it’s just been so busy. I can’t wait to see you, and I hope you have a fun and safe night as well (: 

She sent the message, and was tempted to turn her phone off, for her own safety, knowing when she gets drunk she likes to voice her opinions and show affection through texts and snapchats. Jack told her not to though, just in case anyone wanted to get a hold of her. 

The friends took the shot, and hissed at the burn it left in their bellies. She had already begun to feel the shots she had taken earlier, and was welcoming of the buzz that crept up on her. It wasn’t often that the group drank, and it usually ended in tears. But this was one of the nights were everything just seemed to fall in place, even if parts of their lives still felt incomplete.

Jack and Sara joined one of the larger groups dancing downstairs, and made fools of themselves with no shame, not caring who was there or how crazy they looked together. Eventually, Sara finally had the urge to use the bathroom, but didn’t want to break the dreaded seal quite yet. Jack and her poured another round for themselves, and went back upstairs to check on their friend. 

To their surprise, Mac and Emy had fallen asleep in the same position they had left them in. 

“They’re cute, aren’t they? I think they would be good together,” Jack slurred. Sara nodded her head, and thought it would be a smart decision to document the duo snuggled up to one another. She took the picture, and sent it to their group chat, knowing Emy would be livid about it the next morning. Jack and Sara toasted to having a great, and drama free summer before slamming back their final shot of the night. 

The two could feel it now, and agreed that they should take a break. Sara told Jack she needed to use the bathroom, and implied that she wanted him to guard the door. Like the true friend he was, he followed her into the hallway, and made a path for her to the room, closing and blocking the door from any drunken teenagers that were too lit to knock first. After she did her business, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her shirt was a little wrinkly, after it had sat on her bedroom floor for probably months. But she thought that she wasn’t all that bad looking tonight. She unbuttoned her shirt, and looked at the binder that pressed her chest flat. She loved it, and viewed it like it was her armor. She took her phone out, and with the flash of confidence she had, she quickly took a picture of herself, and sent it to Tegan.

Sara started analyzing the picture after taking it, noticing how her once petite form, was beginning to fill out. Her hips were wider, her stomach a little more prominent, shoulders a little broader, and to her dismay, her chest a cup size bigger. She knew nothing about it was particularly ugly, or wrong, but felt so out of place with it on her body. Before she could get into her thoughts too much, Jack harshly knocked on the door, and asked if she was okay. It started her beyond belief, but she quickly buttoned her shirt back up, and walked out. 

“I thought you fell asleep on the toilet or something,” he joked with her. “You were in there for a couple minutes’ dude, everything okay?” They sat next to their sleeping friends on the couch, Sara using Jack as a rest for her legs. 

“Yeah, someone had left a voicemail on my phone so I listened to it and sent them a text back, sorry about that.” As she responded she noticed Jack nod in and out of sleep. He gave one finally hum, before finally closing his eyes and completely passing out. Sara got up, and searched the room for blankets, and to her luck, found the thickest and fluffiest one still on top of the couch. She spread across the group, and snuggled up against the armrest, too in her head to fall asleep.

After a few minutes of self-reflection, she felt sleep slowly start to take over her body. A light buzz from her phone brought her out of her daze, and she quickly read it, hoping it was Tegan. 

‘That picture you sent me just made my night ‘exponentially better’ ;) I hope you’re having a fun night, I wish I could be there with you guys. Goodnight Sara.’

Sara felt the same feeling of butterflies, feeling like a kid crushing on someone for the first time, all over again. She turned her phone off this time, definitely not needing to drunkenly send too heartfelt of a message, and finally let herself succumb to sleep.


End file.
